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Tips for Picky Eating

We all have preferences about the types of food we like to eat and children do too. It is normal for children to prefer certain foods and to be hesitant about trying new foods.

When does picky eating become a problem?

Picky eating becomes a concern when it impacts health or social interaction. For example, not eating enough food to maintain a healthy body weight, not eating foods that provide necessary nutrients, or not being able to eat in unfamiliar settings. Picky eaters may become very anxious when presented with new foods. They might cry or have a tantrum.

What causes picky eating?

  • At around 2 years old children start to eat less because growth starts to slow down.
  • Toddlers are learning to be independent and one way of demonstrating this is choosing the foods they will eat.
  • A child may have difficulty with chewing and swallowing.
  • Some children are naturally more sensitive to taste, smell, and texture.
  • Young children are still developing their food preferences. It can take up to 10 separate attempts at eating a new food for a child to decide if they like it or not.
  • Children may develop picky eating habits by watching their parents’ or family members’ selective eating habits.
  • Refusing food may be a way for the child to get attention from a parent or caregiver.

Having a child who is a picky eater can be stressful for the whole family. Below are some strategies that parents and caregivers can use to help children eat a wider variety of foods.

Strategies to support healthy eating

Involve children in meal planning and preparation

Involve your child in making decisions about what meals the family will have. Include your child in grocery shopping and preparing the meal. For example, they can mix or measure ingredients, wash fruits or vegetables, or serve food onto plates.

Limit drinks close to meals

Too much milk or juice could reduce your child’s appetite. Wait until after meals to serve these types of drinks.

Honour your child’s choices

Respect that your child can choose what they eat and how much they eat. If your child chooses not to eat, allow them to make that choice. As a parent or caregiver, your role is to ensure that a variety of healthy foods are offered. Do not force your child to eat. Sometimes it can be beneficial to provide choices. For example, asking your child if they would rather have broccoli or carrot with their meal.

Avoid distractions

Try to remove distractions such as TV, tablets, and toys during mealtimes.

Allow your child to play with food

Allow children to interact with their food by smelling, touching or playing with it. If a child learns to be comfortable touching a food, they may be more comfortable tasting it. Cutting food into shapes or making designs with food can make food more appealing to children.

Be a role model

Children learn through observation. Set an example by eating a variety of healthy foods yourself.

Develop a mealtime routine

  • Schedule 3 meals and 2-3 snacks at around the same time every day. Try to avoid giving your child snacks in between these scheduled times.
  • Before a meal give your child a 10-15 minute warning so they can transition into mealtime.
  • Set up a routine around meals. For example, before every meal have your child wash their hands and set the table.

Use passive language

Avoid pressuring your child to eat using scolding, punishments, or bribes and don’t use food as a reward. Instead use positive feedback, praise, and encouragement to promote healthy eating habits.

Make mealtime a positive experience

Creating a positive atmosphere at mealtime can help children develop healthy attitudes towards eating. Try to eat together as a family when possible. Keep mealtimes enjoyable and relaxed by limiting strict rules around table behaviours and embracing that learning to eat can be messy.

Talk about food

Talk to your child about food. Some children may be unable to guess what a new food will taste like just by looking at it. Talking about a new food’s taste, texture, and sound can help children feel more comfortable trying it. Focus on using objective words to describe the food (e.g., sweet, crunchy) rather than words like yummy or good.

Most children will eat to meet their nutritional needs. If your child is healthy and is maintaining a healthy body weight it is okay to let them eat more of their preferred foods. It is okay if your child does not eat all 3 food groups at every meal, as long as there is variety in their diet over time. If you are worried that your child’s picky eating is impacting their health, you can contact your family physician.

SOURCES & RESOURCES

Strategies for Picky Eating

Develop a mealtime routine

Schedule 3 meals daily and have 2-3 snack breaks. Give your child a 10-15 minute warning that mealtime is approaching. Include your child in the mealtime routine by asking them to set the table and wash their hands.

Involve them in meal preparation

Allow your child to help make decisions about the meal. Bring them along to the grocery shop and let them help prepare the meal.

Be a role model

Children learn through observation. Set an example by eating new, healthy foods yourself!

Honour their choices

Respect that your child can choose what they want to eat and how much they want to eat. Do not force your child to eat. Think about providing your child with different food options.

Make it a positive experience

Try and eat together as a family when possible. Keep mealtimes fun and relaxed by limiting strict rules and embracing that learning can be messy.

Avoid distractions

Try to remove distractions such as TV, tablet or toys during mealtime.

Limit drinks close to mealtime

Too many drinks can reduce your child’s appetite. Wait until after the meals to serve milk or juice.

Allow them to play

Let your child interact with their food by smelling, touching or playing with it. Try cutting food into shapes or make designs to make food more appealing and fun.

Remember to be patient, stay positive and make it fun!

Sources

Canadian Pediatric Society (2019). Caring for Kids: When your child is a picky eater. https://www.caringforkids.cps.ca/handouts/when_your_child_is_a_picky_eater

City of Toronto (n.d.) Picky Eating. https://www.toronto.ca/community-people/childrenparenting/pregnancy-and-parenting/parenting/feeding-your-child/feeding-yourtoddlerpreschooler/picky-eating/

Community Living Toronto (n.d.) Children with ASD who are picky eaters.

Schwarz, J., (n.d.) Picking apart picky eating. http://www.boomeranghealth.com/picking-apart-picky-eating/

Tips for Picky Eating & Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

What is picky eating?

Picky eaters can be referred to as children who only eat certain foods, avoid other foods, and are often unwilling to try new foods.

What can cause picky eating?

Genetic, sensory, physical and/or environmental factors can cause picky eating.

Picky eating and ASD

  • Autism is often associated with food aversions, food sensitivities and ritualistic eating.
  • A child may be responding to sensory aspects of food. i.e: strong flavours, smells, textures or colours.
  • Eating is a social skill which children with ASD may have more difficulty understanding, so the child may not know mealtime expectations.

Supporting healthy eating habits for children with ASD

  1. Rule out physical problems: Make sure your child’s doctor screens for and addresses any issues
  2. Ease into mealtime: Many children with ASD may experience anxiety when it comes to mealtime so it is important to promote relaxation. Providing a verbal warning that indicates to your child that mealtime is coming up shortly can also help them shift their focus and prepare mentally for the upcoming mealtime.
  3. Have mealtime together at the table: Consider using the same table for all meals and have family members sit in the same chairs.
  4. Support your child’s posture: Poor posture which can lead to discomfort. If you see your child is slouching, leaning or wriggling, try placing a rolled up towel around their back and hips to provide support. For foot support, place a stool under their feet to provide extra stability.
  5. Concentrate on the food, not the behaviour: Try to ignore challenging behaviours and divert attention from the negative behaviour with a conversation about the food. This can involve questions to get the whole family involved in “food learning”:
    • What sound does this food make when you chew it?
    • What other foods do we eat that are the same colour?

Calming Strategies for Children & Youth

Learning to regulate our emotional responses, especially during times of stress, can be difficult. Most children have some natural ways of self-regulating but may also need to learn appropriate ways to respond when experiencing anxiety. Calming strategies can help a child to work through strong emotions. When calming strategies are practiced regularly throughout the day, the possibility for use at times of anxiety is increased.

Breathing Exercises

Breathing exercises can help to remind your child to stop and count out deep breaths when they are upset.

You can also use visuals as a non-verbal reminder, posting them in a quiet area or where the exercise is most likely to be practiced.

Blowing Out Birthday Candles – Have your child hold up one hand; their fingers are the “candles”. Count out the five “candles” together. Then blow out each “candle” with a long breath. Curl your finger down slowly while you are blowing.

Blowing up Balloons – Pretend to pull a balloon out of your pocket and encourage your child to do the same. Cup your hands together and hold them in front of your mouth. Take a deep breath and as you exhale slowly expand your hands as if inflating a balloon. When you are finished take a deep breath and slowly close your hands back together as you exhale to “deflate the balloon”. Repeat this five times.

Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques can help kids identify negative thought patterns in order to self-regulate during stressful situations.

ABC Around the Room: Look for things starting with each letter of the alphabet, can go as long as they want.

Favourite Colour: Have your child pick a colour and name everything in the room that is that colour.

5-4-3-2-1 Senses:
5 things you see
4 things you hear
3 things you smell
2 things you can touch
1 thing you taste

5-4-3-2-1 Sights
5 colours I see
4 shapes I see
3 soft things I see
2 people I see
1 book I see

Visualization & Imagery

Visualization and imagery are
techniques that focus on encouraging a child to focus on a happy thought, memory, or story to take their mind off worrying as they breathe.

Let your child use their imagination to go to a place that makes them feel calm and secure!

Have them sit or stand in a position that is comfortable for them, close their eyes and imagine whatever they would like!

If your child finds this challenging, or you would like to use guided visualization, there are full scripts for multiple visualization options can be found at: https://connectability.ca/category/kids/

You can read through the script to your child as they have their eyes closed and imagine they are in a new, more calming space!

Physical Activities

Having your child move their bodies in different ways may help relieve stress and tension to achieve a feeling of calmness.

Sticky Hands – Pretend to have “sticky” hands and then press them together. Now push hard for 20 seconds. Now tell your child to slowly allow their hands to come apart and see if they can feel the stickiness. Repeat this sequence two or three times.

Stretching – Have your child do simple stretches such as touching their toes and reaching up to the sky on their tip toes. Have your child lie on their backs and make letters with their bodies. Try “X” (spread out their legs and arms) and “T”, (put their legs together while keeping their arms stretched out). Be creative and add your own! Remember to move slowly from stretch to stretch.

Tense and Relax – Have your child form their hands into fists and bring their shoulders to their ears. Count to five and then relax. Repeat five times. Try using props such as “squeeze balls” to help exaggerate the motion. If comfortable, have your child tense up into a small ball and squeeze for the count of 5 and then relax.

Copy a Friend – Have one child be the leader and one child be the follower, acting as a mirror to their friend.

Changing their Environment

A soothing environment can be good for both the child and the caregiver! Consider how your surroundings may increase or decrease stress.

Noise level – is your area particularly noisy, or are there any unpleasant sounds? Consider using headphones, or moving locations.

Brightness – is your area particularly bright or colourful? Does your child have any challenges with particularly harsh visual information?

Position – is your child in a comfortable position that supports their access to the activity?

Other sensory considerations – any smells or cues that may be adding stress to your child’s experience in that moment? How you can modify the environment to reduce the exposure?

Positioning

Trying out different ways to hold or carry your infant may help to find a position that is most comforting or soothing for them during development.

How positioning can help:

  • Increases the child’s awareness of their body
  • Encourages the child to learn how to calm themselves down
  • Helps with the development of vision and hearing

The basic principles of positioning:
Try to use slow, gentle movements whenever positioning the baby.

  1. Try to keep the baby’s arms and legs close to their body. This will help them feel stable and in control.
  2. Try to use positions that encourage: bringing their arms and legs closer to their body, hands near their mouth, both sides of their body in the same position, and have them looking downwards.
  3. Encourage the baby to lie on their tummy or side.

Imaginative or Creative Thinking

Creative or imaginative thinking can help your child better understand stressful situations and practice solutions.

Personal Stories – Describe a situation in detail with a focus on important social information such as what others might think, feel or do to show how to cope with it. They are effective teaching tools as they can be personalized to a child or group.

Story Books – Story books that highlight social situations can be used to promote conversation, understanding of emotions and empathy. It’s a great way for the child to identify with characters in stressful situations and to understand how they cope.

Role Play – Gives children an opportunity to explore a situation, concept or social skill through play and to find different ways to handle stressful situations. The experience can be enhanced by using puppets, dress-up, or toys.

Problem Solving/Brainstorming – Talking about concerns in a group of peers can provide opportunities for a child to express ideas, ask questions and arrive at possible solutions in a safe environment. It’s a great way for a child to learn from and to build positive relationships with their peers. The caregiver’s role is to establish a warm and supportive environment for this process and to emphasize the importance of listening.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness encourages a child to guide their attention to the present moment using various strategies.

Walking Meditation – Using the feelings in the feet and legs as meditation objects while walking. This is a good strategy if a child is restless or anxious to sit still.

Mindful of Sound – Focusing your attention on different sounds as they happen. This is a good strategy if a child is easily distracted by their inner thoughts and feelings.

Body Scan – Explore feelings in different parts of the body. This is a good strategy for children who need an alternative to focusing on their breath.

Mindfulness Apps
Calm, Headspace, ReachOut WorryTime, Stop Breath & Think

Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk may help to increase your child’s self esteem and, therefore, the ability to manage their anxiety.

“I Can” Flower – Start by handing out paper flower petals to the child. In the center of the circle put the core of the flower with the words “I Can” on it. Have the child say something they can do, write it on their petal and then have them add it to the flower. You can adapt this activity by using photos or providing examples. To expand the activity, try using different themes, such as “I can” to help at home, “I can” with my friends.

“I Can” Project – Give the child a personal box and allow them to identify a goal they would like to work on. If needed, goals can be broken down into smaller steps. As the child practices the steps, help acknowledge their achievement by writing it down on a small piece of paper and then put the paper into their box. For example, a child is working on snipping with scissors. At each step of learning the task write down the success, such as “I can cut on the line,” and help them put it into their box.

Tips on Setting up a Calming Routine

Setting up a calming routine is a shared process involving the child and caregivers!

Here are the first things to consider:

  1. Take an inventory of the calming strategies your child is already using and together select the ones that work well.
  2. Start with strategies that are familiar to your child and are appropriate for their developmental level. This may help build on their existing resources and increase the likelihood of success.
  3. Once your child is familiar with practicing the strategies, together you can introduce new ones.
  4. Collectively choose the best times for your children to practice these activities. Calming strategies are best introduced during the least stressful times.
  5. Try to make the activities fun by including props and visuals, such as pillows, squeeze balls, and pictures or other objects that the child enjoys.

Remember to practice self-compassion! These calming strategies will take some time to fit into your daily life.

Children and Sleep

Overview

Sleep is essential to a child’s overall wellness and development and plays an important role in supporting their functioning in everyday activities. Well-rested children are better able to focus at school, manage their emotions, regulate their behaviour, and make healthier food choices. Inadequate sleep is associated with many negative consequences including challenges with their mental health, school performance, increased risk-taking behaviour, and may impact their self-esteem. 

2-3% of school aged children and 80% of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) experience sleep difficulties. Some of these difficulties include early awakenings followed by difficulty falling back asleep, trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, sleeping alone and having nightmares. 

Below are some strategies that may help to improve a child’s sleep!

Monitoring a child’s sleeping patterns:

  • Children or parents can record the child’s sleep habits over a 24-hour period for at least 2 continuous weeks to try and identify day-to-day challenges with sleep and the variability of their sleep schedule. This will help target strategies to better improve their sleep.
  • This can be done using a chart, checklist, journal or another method that works well for you and the child!
  • Things that you may consider tracking include what time they go to bed/get up in the morning, hours of sleep, how many times they got up in the night etc. 

Behavioural strategies

The aim of behavioural strategies is to help develop good sleep habits and avoid, replace or extinguish behaviours that prevent the child from sleeping well at night.

Below are some tips you can implement to help your child sleep better at night:

  1. This point is extremely important! Children should be engaging in activities during the day, in their bedroom and before bedtime that help to promote sound sleep. For example, being active during the day outside of the bedroom may help children sleep better at night and reading a book or taking a bath before bed may be more calming closer to bedtime. Developing proper habits such as having a consistent bedtime routine will also help to regulate sleep. 
  2. Limit activities in the child’s bedroom that are incompatible with sleep. For example, overly stimulating activities such as hide-and-go-seek, to prevent conditioning that associates their bedroom with these stimulating activities.
  3. Limit the time in bed to match desired sleep duration. Try and avoid performing other activities other than ones that promote sleep or sleep itself in the child’s bed. This way, they are only in bed for the amount of time they should be sleeping. 

Example strategies

  1. Self-soothing strategies: relates to the emotional regulation process of a child and provides them strategies to learn to calm themselves down independently
    • Bedtime basket: activities to do before bed while the child becomes drowsy enough to fall asleep
      • Activities should be calming 
      • Activities should focus on decreasing bothersome stimuli (e.g., lights, sounds)
      • Examples: colouring, jigsaw puzzles, cards, stuffed animals
    • Bedtime buddy: security object included in the child’s bedtime routine (e.g. special doll, stuffed animal, blanket)
  2. 5 B’s Bedtime Routine: collaborate with the child to create a visual schedule to prepare them before bedtime.
    • Bedtime bite: provide a healthy snack before bed only to be eaten in the kitchen
    • Bath: washing up and getting the child into pajamas for bedtime preparation
    • Brush teeth
    • Bathroom: provide one last opportunity to go to the washroom to avoid extra bathroom requests later
    • Books: reading time before bed; choose a specific number of books or set a timer to mark the end of reading time – this can also be included in their bedtime basket to eventually promote independent reading before bedtime 
  3. Create a sleep-conductive space
    • This may include keeping the child’s sleep space dark, quiet, comfortable, and cool – Try to limit interruptions, you may need to consider using blackout curtains, eyeshades, earplugs or devices that create white noise. 

Relaxation & Mindfulness Strategies

Relaxation and mindfulness techniques help children bring their attention to the present moment, enter a deep relaxation and help them regulate their bodies before bedtime. These strategies work well for all children especially those who worry about bedtime or who experience anxiety.

  1. Deep breathing exercises
    • 4-7-8 breathing: get the child to lie down, inhale through their nose for 4 seconds, hold their breath for 7 seconds, exhale through their mouth for 8 seconds and repeat this 4 times. https://www.healthline.com/health/4-7-8-breathing#1
    • Box breathing: Breath in for 4 seconds, “breathe in like you are smelling a flower,” breathe out for 4 seconds, “breathe out like you are blowing out birthday candles.” Repeat this 4-5 times until the child begins to feel calm.
  2. Progressive muscles relaxation
  3. Grounding
    • Focusing on Your Five Senses: When feeling anxious at the moment, there are some techniques that exist to help kids focus on the present moment. 
      • Help guide the child to list: 5 things they can see, 4 things they can hear, 3 things they can touch, 2 things they can smell, 1 thing they can taste
  4. Guided meditation

Additional Resources

Apps

Books 

  • Become your Child’s Sleep Coach by Lynelle Schneeberg
  • What Do You Do When You Dread Your Bed: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Sleep by Dawn Hubner & Bonnie Matthews
  • What Do You Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Hubner & Bonnie Matthews

Sources

  • Mendoza, J. (2020). A good sleep. Retrieved from http://www.agoodsleep.ca
  • Scheeberg, L. (2019). Becoming Your Child’s Sleep Coach (1st ed.). New York, NY: Lifelong Books.

Mindfulness for Children

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the moment, free from distractions, judgment, and aware of our thoughts and feelings. Participating in mindfulness helps us become more aware of sensory input from the environment around us and how our body feels.

Why teach children mindfulness? 

Practicing mindfulness with children can provide them with the strategies they need to help control their emotions, slow down, calm themselves and focus. Through mindfulness, children may develop greater awareness of their emotional, body and sensory experiences. Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in helping manage anxiety and impulsivity, and can improve listening, creativity and respect for self and others.

Mindfulness activities, when practiced together, can strengthen the relationship between an adult and child.

Activities that support mindfulness with children

Infants and toddlers

  • Sing songs, lullabies and nursery rhymes throughout the day to your baby.  
  • Massage your baby gently before a nap or 45 minutes after a feeding. Start at your baby’s stomach and work your way to their head, neck, shoulders, legs and feet.
  • Eye gaze with your baby while saying “I am” affirmations. For example, “I am safe”, “I am confident”, “I am loved”, “I am calm”, “I am beautiful”.

Young children

  • Practice focused breathing using your child’s favourite stuffed toys as visual aids. In a relaxed position on the floor, place a toy on your abdomen and on your child’s abdomen. Take three deep breaths, breathing in and out through your nose, while saying ‘blow’ or ‘smell’ to help the child understand the actions. Show your child how the toy rises and falls as they take the breaths. Practice ‘blowing’ bubbles, pinwheels or ‘smelling’ food at other times to familiarize your child with focused breathing.  
  • Talk about sensory experiences with your child. Draw your child’s attention to what you and your child see, hear, smell, taste and touch in simple words. For example, when baking cookies, ask your child to ‘smell the cookies’.
  • Yoga incorporated into your child’s daily routine can be enjoyable and relaxing. Teach simple yoga poses such as downward dog, rag doll, and mountain pose (select the yoga poses that match your child’s ability).
  • Go on mindful walks and during the walk, talk about what you see, hear, smell and feel while in the natural environment. For example, if you pick up a smooth stone and you both feel it and talk about its smoothness and shape, you are focusing your attention to the present moment.
  • Yoga balloon. Sit on the floor with your child. Cross your legs and keep your back straight. Place the palms of your hands together at the centre of your chest.  Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose, raising your arms above your head in the shape of a big balloon. Breathe out slowly through your mouth and bring your arms back down so that your palms are together again at the centre of your chest.

School age children

  • Guided meditation videos are helpful when learning calming techniques, such as body scanning and muscle relaxation. Many videos are available for you to source on the internet based on your child’s ability. 
  • Listen to bell activity uses a bell, chime, triangle or an app that imitates the sound of a bell to focus your child’s attention on a single source of sensory input. Ring the bell in a slow, quiet, rhythmic way and ask your child to focus on the sound and keep their eyes closed until they no longer hear the sound. 
  • Heartbeat exercises can help your child with body awareness. Start by engaging in an activity that increases heart rate, such as jumping jacks, jumping on the spot, or running. After completing the exercise, sit together with your eyes closed and hands placed on your heart. Encourage your child to notice their heartbeat and how the rate slows down as they rest. 
  • Mind in a jar activity can help your child to focus and be calm. You will need a jar with a tight lid, water and glitter.  Explain that the jar represents your child’s head, the water their mind and the glitter their thoughts, worries, and memories. Shake the jar and tell your child this is how your mind (water) is when you are thinking or worrying about several things. Set the jar down and watch how the glitter settles and the water becomes clear. Talk about how, while their thoughts are calm and quiet at the bottom of the jar, their mind is clear and they are focused. 
  • Use the acronym STOP to teach your child the core components of mindfulness: Stop what your are doing, press the pause button on your thoughts and actions, Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself and bring yourself fully into the present moment, Observe what is going on with your body, emotions and mind, and Proceed with whatever you were doing, making a conscious, intentional choice to incorporate what you just learned.  
  • Positive affirmation is anything good you say or think about yourself. Teach your child to describe themselves in positive ways using ‘I’ statements, such as “I am smart”, “I am focused”, “I am strong”, and “I am proud of myself.” You can make a dice game by pasting positive affirmation ‘fill in the blank’ statements, such as, “I am good at…” on a square box or large die. Take turns rolling the die and complete the sentence.
  • Gratitude statements are thoughts about things for which you are grateful. Throughout the day you and your child can talk about what you are grateful for. For example, “I’m grateful for the time I spend at the park with my brother.”
  • Mindful journaling helps your child reflect on their thoughts, feelings and experiences.  You can help by using mindfulness journaling prompts, such as, “I remember when I used balloon breath to feel better when I couldn’t ride my bike”. 

Remember

Caregivers, family members and early learning professionals share a role in helping children find ways to be present and aware of their thoughts and feelings. Working together as a team to establish common goals will have the greatest impact on your child’s development and well-being.

Remember that practicing mindfulness your self is equally important. When you understand and use mindfulness techniques, your child will learn from you.

“In today’s rush, we all think too much—seek too much—want too much—and forget about the joy of just being.”- Eckhart Tolle

References and web resource links

Ackerman, C. E., (2020). 25 Fun Mindfulness Activities for Children and Teens, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-for-children-kids-activities/

Clemmer, C., (2020). Ease Your Anxious Child: 6 Simple Mindfulness Exercises to Try Today, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://www.mother.ly/child/ease-your-anxious-child-6-simple-mindfulness-exercises-to-try-today

Halloran, J., (2016). Simple Ways to Introduce Mindfulness and Meditation to Children, Retrieve July 17, 2020 from: https://copingskillsforkids.com/blog/simple-ways-to-introduce-mindfulness-and-meditation-to-children

Landis, J., (2020). Simple Activities to Help Toddlers Develop Mindfulness, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: http://www.momentsaday.com/help-toddlers-develop-mindfulness/

Lyness, D., Reviewer, (2017). Mindfulness Exercises, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/mindful-exercises.html

Marcin, A., (2020). Teaching Your Child Mindfulness, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/mindfulness-for-kids#infants

Newman, M., (2020). Mindfulness Practices Help Regulate You and Your Baby, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://www.lamaze.org/Giving-Birth-with-Confidence/GBWC-Post/mindfulness-practices-help-regulate-you-and-your-baby-1

Rogers, S., (2017). A Mindfulness Practice for Preschoolers that Connects Preschoolers to Nature, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-practice-preschoolers-connects-kids-nature/

Scaccia, A., (2018). Your Guide to Baby Massage, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from: https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/baby-massage

Brought to you by Every Child Belongs

Children’s Grief and Loss

Feelings of grief may be caused by a traumatic event such as death, illness, or divorce. Experiences of discrimination due to racism, ableism, classism, and other stereotypes or biases can also create grief and loss responses in children.  These types of experiences can be direct or indirect. As an adult, it is our role to provide a supportive and empathetic response to help children cope with grief.

Signs of grief and loss in children

It is important to recognize the signs and potential causes of grief and loss experienced by a child and take steps to help them cope.

Children may:

  • experience grief and loss differently than adults
  • experience fluctuating grief; it may seem to come and go
  • understand and cope with grief in different ways as they develop
  • experience the loss multiple times as they mature

Children use a variety of ways to communicate how they feel as they try to understand and cope.  Children’s understanding of an experience that creates a sense of grief will also vary depending on the child’s age, developmental level, and the support they receive.

It is not uncommon for children to express their grief through: 

  • Using language and making comments that seem out of context
  • Lack of an emotional response or display of extreme emotions
  • Sensitivity, irritability or being easily frustrated
  • Changes in well-established skills and routines (e.g., eating, toileting)
  • Nightmares or sleep problems
  • Recurrent physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches for reasons other than medical
  • Sudden and marked decrease in appetite
  • Difficulty calming when upset
  • Over-dependence on parent/main caregiver, unusual separation anxiety, or seeking additional attention and/or comfort
  • Inability to concentrate or finish common tasks
  • Lack of interest in activities that were previously considered enjoyable
  • Withdrawing or showing little interest in social interactions with others
  • Unexpected or unfounded fears

Working through feelings of grief and loss together

You may also be experiencing grief and loss at the same time. Recognizing your feelings and taking steps to manage your own wellness is equally important as helping your child. 

Your child may ask the same questions repeatedly to make sense of difficult information.  This is because children cannot reflect on their own thoughts and emotions like adults and may need information repeated to them several times.  When supporting your child:

  • Give them the attention they need in the moment
  • Offer affection and reassurance that they are loved and cared for
  • Use simple, concrete words and descriptions (i.e., “dead” or “died” instead of “loss” or “passed away”) to talk about what you and your child are experiencing
  • Help then recognize, label and talk about emotions.  Let them know that grief typically involves a range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and frustration, and that all their feelings are valid and accepted
  • Make sure they have access to play materials such as puppets, dolls or action figures to express their feelings or engage in role-playing games
  • Read books about grief and loss or make a personal story to support coping with the experience
  • Help them to write in a journal or draw a picture about their experience
  • Use natural opportunities to discuss experiences. For example, when you see a dead bug or plant, give factual and brief information such as “The ladybug is not alive anymore, it died.  When a living thing dies, they do not feel anything anymore.”
  • Respond using a soothing voice and gestures to comfort them 
  • Include your child in your family and cultural practices during the grieving process
  • Offer a favourite toy or activity to help comfort your child. Spend some time with them in that activity
  • Allow flexibility in your routine. If your child is upset, give them extra time to regulate their feelings 

Answering your child’s questions

Your child may make up their own narrative about what is happening if they are not provided with simple and clear information.  For example, the term “sick” when used to describe terminal cancer might cause confusion, and a child may be worried that all sicknesses result in death.  Use concrete words and avoid confusing phrases when talking about the situation or event that has triggered the grief. For example, statements like “he passed away” or “we lost the dog” are unclear and could be misinterpreted by the child.

Consider the following:

  • Ask for clarification if you are unsure of what your child is saying or asking
  • Ensure you have your child’s attention before you speak directly to them
  • Consider their level of understanding and their temperament
  • Only give as much information as is necessary
  • Children may ask the same questions often to make sense of difficult information and may need information about the situation repeated several times.
  • It’s okay to say you do not know and will try to find the answer

Definitions

Grief is the response to loss that includes thoughts, behaviours, emotions and physiological changes.  If the loss is permanent, the grief will also be permanent; but it changes as a person adapts to the loss.

Acute grief may occur in the early period after a loss. Strong feelings of yearning, longing and/or sorrow are typical. 

Integrated grief is a lasting form of grief in which loss-related thoughts, feelings and behaviours are integrated into a person’s ongoing functioning; the grief may have a place in the person’s life without dominating it.

Complicated grief is a persistent form of intense grief in which negative thoughts and behaviours and/or preoccupation are present.

Adapting to loss entails accepting the reality of the loss, including its finality, consequences and changed relationships; adapting means seeing the future as holding possibilities.

Collective grief is felt by a group. For example, this could be experienced by a whole community as with a global pandemic.

Children’s literature

  • Brown & Brown. (1996). When Dinosaurs Die:  A Guide to Understanding Death.   New York, NY:  Little, Brown & Company.
  • Thomas, J., & Dale, U. J. (2012). What does dead mean? – a book for young children to help explain death and. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
  • Mellonie, Bryan & Robert Ingpen. (1983). Lifetimes:  The beautiful way to explain death to children.  Toronto, ON:  Bantam Books.
  • Munsch, Robert. (2003). Lighthouse – A Story of Remembrance.  Vancouver, BC:  North Winds Press.
  • DiSalvo, DyAnne. (1999). A Dog Like Jack.  New York, NY:  Holiday House.
  • Heegaard, Marge. (1991). When Something Terrible Happens.  Salt Lake City, UT:  Woodland Press.
  • Palmer, Pat. (2004). “I wish I could hold your hand…” – A Child’s Guide to Grief and Loss.  Oakland, CA:  Impact Publishers, Inc.
  • Thomas, Pat. (2001). I Miss You.  New York, NY:  Barron’s Educational Series.
  • Silverman, Janis. (1999). Help Me Say Goodbye:  Activities for Helping Kids When a Special Person Dies.  Toronto, ON:  Fairview Press.

Websites and resource links

References

Elizz.com, (2020). Tips of grief and loss. Retrieved June 29, 2020 from: https://elizz.com/caregiver-resources/types-of-grief-and-loss/

KidsGrief.ca. (2020) (5AD).  Talking to kids about death and dying. Retrieved on June 29, 2020 from https://kidsgrief.ca/

Kubler-Ross, E. (2014). On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy and Their Own Families. Scribner.

Canadian Virtual Hospice. (2020). Featured Content. (n.d.). Retrieved June 4, 2020, https://www.virtualhospice.ca

Librach, S. L., & Obrien, H. (2011). Supporting Children’s Grief within an Adult and Pediatric Palliative Care Program. The Journal of Supportive Oncology, 9(4), 136–140. doi: 10.1016/j.suponc.2011.04.003

The Centre for Complicated Grief. (2020). Key Definitions. Retrieved on June 2020 from: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/professionals/complicated-grief-professionals/overview/

Brought to you by Every Child Belongs

COVID-19: Supporting Children’s Play through Stressful Times

Play has an important role in childhood as it supports early learning. When children experience challenging situations, the source of their stress is often reflected in their play as they try to make sense of their world. When adults support and set the stage for play, children have opportunities to investigate, explore, test, invent and learn within a safe and responsive environment.

Play provides children with an opportunity to:

  • Build relationships and a sense of self in relation to others
  • Work through stress, anxiety and frustration
  • Boost self-esteem
  • Improve emotional flexibility and resilience
  • Increase intelligence/supporting abstract thinking and problem-solving
  • Practice self-regulation
  • Practice independence and making choices

Set up the environment

  • Have a variety of activities and play materials available to your child promote independence and choice. Consider offering two options if many choices become overwhelming. 
  • Offer creative art materials or building toys that can be used for open-ended play. This type of play may help your child use their imagination and build a sense of competency and accomplishment in creating something.
  • Incorporate music or song and dance/body movement that your child enjoys into the play. 
  • Consider incorporating the natural environment into the space, reflecting a connection to the land.
  • Include family and cultural materials and practices, ones that will help your child find a way to ground their identity within their play.

Respond to children’s play 

  • Recognize that your child’s reality may be different from what you have experienced. Their play and how they response to a situation is telling you something. 
    • Watch how your child is playing.
    • Listen to their comments and questions. 
    • Label and validate their feelings.
    • Ask questions to gain an understanding. 
  • Model calming strategies while playing together: deep breaths, draw a picture, take a walk, get a drink of water, take about feelings. 
  • Label your own feelings “I feel sad…”, “I feel happy…” 
  • Talk about the future “I wonder…”, “Can you imagine…”
  • Tell stories and listen to the stories your child shares in their play.
  • Stress can limit a child’s ability to problem solve. Be available to help your child work through challenges. 
  • Respond to the underlying needs of your child based on what you observe. Ask yourself the following questions:
    • What is happening?
    • Why is it happening?
    • What are they trying to tell me through their actions?
    • What changes can I make to help them?
    • What new skills do they need to learn?
  • It’s important to include family and cultural practices throughout the day, ones that will help your child find a way to ground themselves within their identity.

Respond to children’s questions and comments

Asking questions and making comments during play is another way for children to process new experiences, stressors or situations. At times children may remark on something that is uncomfortable for you to hear or you may feel you don’t know how to respond, this is natural.  When responding to these questions or comments:

  • Acknowledge that you have heard the child and pause (silently count to ten) to give yourself time to choose your words
  • Provide developmentally appropriate responses to questions
  • Keep the answers simple and factual
  • If you do not know the answer, respond in a way that allows you to investigate together. 
    • “That’s a great question. Let’s find out together.”
  • Reassure your child that they are safe and cared for by responding in a supportive way. Try to remain calm if you are feeling uncomfortable, as children are perceptive and can sense your emotions.
    • Try a breathing exercise when you feel your anxiety starting to grow. Share this with your child, i.e., “Let’s take five big breaths. Count them with me. 5-4-3-2-1. Does that feel better?”
  • Recognize and label emotions to help your child make meaning of their experiences. Use pictures to help them identify how they feel.
    • For example, “Abdullahi can’t play right now. Tell me how you feel? Show me which one.”

Remember

Play fosters creativity, imagination, resiliency and problem solving skills among many other benefits.  By playing with your child and supporting their play with other children, you are helping them build relationships and creating a safe space to explore their feelings.

References

Charbonneau, M., Crooker, R. & Slider, P. et. al. (2015). 1 2 3 Care:  A Trauma-Sensitive Toolkit for Caregivers of Children.  Retrieved from https://srhd.org/media/documents/1-2-3-Care-Toolkit_LowResolution.pdf.

McVittie, J. (2015). Resilience. Retrieved from https://srhd.org/media/documents/resilience1.pdf

Brought to you by: Every Child Belongs

Four Patterns of Sensory Processing

All children are unique and it is likely you will encounter children with different sensory processing challenges at the same time. 

There are tip sheets on each of the seven senses:  smell, taste, touch, vision, hearing, vestibular, and proprioceptive.  Each sheet provides detailed information for programming on those individual senses.  When developing any programming for a child, it is common to identify if the child is sensitive to stimuli within a particular sense.  Below is a chart to help you understand an individual child’s needs.

There are the four patterns of sensory processing: low registration, sensation seeking, sensory sensitive and sensation avoiding. 

Low registration: A child with low registration does not recognize or process all of the incoming sensory information, and they do not compensate by trying to gain more sensory input to meet their needs. They may seem uninterested, and inattentive to their surroundings.  

Sensation seeking: A child classified as sensation seeking does not recognize or process all of the incoming sensory information, but contrary to low registration, they actively try to gain this sensory input to meet their needs. They may be hyperactive, touch others often or engage in unsafe activities like jumping from heights. 

Sensory sensitive: A child classified as sensory sensitive feels overwhelmed by sensory information, but they do not actively try to avoid the overstimulation, instead they may just display frustration. They may be easily distracted, and irritable, cautious, and uncomfortable in loud or bright environments. 

Sensation avoiding: A child that is sensation avoiding feels overwhelmed by sensory information and will actively avoid the stimulation. They may run away from loud, busy environments, cover their ears when overstimulated by noise, or wear gloves to avoid touching certain materials such as paint. 

Here are some general strategies you can use to manage a large number of children with different sensory processing challenges: 

  • Whenever possible try to minimize the sensory stimuli in a room. For example, avoid fluorescent lighting and loud noises. Although some children may require extra input, it is easier to give them this input individually in alternate ways that do not involve disturbing the hypersensitive individuals in the room.  For e.g., for children that require additional visual input, provide visually stimulating items such as a lava lamp.  For children who require extra auditory input, provide sound-producing toys, such as a shaker.
  • Have a designated area in the classroom that children can go to and calm their nervous system if they become overwhelmed. This strategy is useful with most children that are hypersensitive to any of the seven senses. 
  • Give children options. Provide children materials such as a fidget spinner or exercise ball to use if they are seeking this type of input. 
  • Communicate with the child’s caregivers to learn about the child’s likes and dislikes and strategies that work at home that can be easily transferred to the classroom environment.

Reference:

Dunn, Winnie (2007), Dunn’s Four Quadrant Model of Sensory Processing.

Sensory and Beyond

The Seven Senses

If you asked someone to think about their senses, most people would name the following five: vision, hearing, taste, smell, and touch. Often what is less familiar are the other two senses: vestibular and proprioception.

The vestibular system is part of the sensory system that controls the sense of balance and spatial orientation for the purpose of coordinating movement with balance. Examples include maintaining balance while learning to walk, holding objects, and turning pages of a book.

Proprioception refers to the sense of the position of parts of the body, relative to other neighbouring parts of the body.  Focuses on the body’s cognitive awareness of movement. Examples of proprioception include stepping off a curb without looking at your feet and knowing how much pressure to apply when pressing an elevator button. 

Hearing

Sensory processing for hearing, also known as auditory processing, is the way our brains process the things that we hear. Read more »

Touch

Sensory processing for touch, also known as tactile processing, is the way that our brain processes information about our environment through messages from our skin. Read more »

Smell

Our sense of smell is extremely important in everyday life. It can impact our memories and emotions. Read more »

Vision

Sensory processing for the visual system uses light, colour, shape and movement to detect information through our eyes and then the brain interprets that information. Read more »

Taste

Sensory processing for taste, also known as oral sensation processing, is the way that our brain processes information from our mouth and taste buds. Read more »

Proprioception

Proprioception is a sense that tells us about the position of our body parts in relation to each other, other individuals and the environment. Read more »

Vestibular

The vestibular system (inner ear balance mechanism) helps us maintain awareness of positioning of our bodies when for example we are walking, running or riding in a vehicle. Read more »

Understanding the Sensory System and Sensory Processing

Sensory processing is the way our brain accepts, interprets and organizes information from our seven senses to create a response. No two people will react exactly the same way; everyone has their own unique response to sensory stimuli. Read more »

In Conclusion

All children are unique and it is likely you will encounter children with different sensory processing challenges at the same time. When developing any programming for a child, it is common to identify if the child is sensitive to stimuli within a particular sense.  Read more »

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