Sharing is an important social skill that is difficult to learn for many children (e.g., “Would I give another child my toys, if I can have them all to myself instead?”)

Children often become very attached to certain toys and may have a hard time letting other children play with them. They may become aggressive – kicking, biting, or hitting other children – to protect their favourite things.

As toddlers get a little older and start to engage in parallel and co-operative play, they are more likely to be willing to share their toys. But they will still need adult help to give their favourite toy to another child and to wait for their turn to come again.

As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional, you likely spend a lot of time helping your child learn how to share and you probably have some tricks up your sleeve. Here are some ideas to help along the way.

Learning How to Share

Personal Stories

Role-Playing

What is role-playing?

Role-playing is an interactive way of teaching many social skills. Role-playing consists of acting out social interactions that children would typically encounter. The adults first model the skill and then the children practice it by acting it out. Puppets or other toys can be used as “actors” in the role-play.

Your children should have an opportunity to play each of the roles, as well as to be an observer.

Role playing can teach your child the actual words she can say and the things she can do in specific situations. It also gives her an opportunity to practice these new skills with their peers.

How do I use role-playing to teach my child to share toys?

• Step 1 – Model the skillTwo or more adults model a situation in which one asks the other to share his/her toys. The specific phrase and behaviour your child or children need to learn are modeled.

  You can role-play a few possible scenarios to prepare for different situations:

  Scenario 1

  Person A is playing with two cars.

  Person B asks, “Can I play with a car, please?”

  A says, “Sure, you can have one and I’ll have one,” and hands one car to B.

  Scenario 2

  Person A is playing with two cars.

  Person B asks, “Can I play with a car, please?”

  A says, “No, I want to play with them both.”

  B says, “OK. Can I play with them later when you are finished?”

  A says, “OK.”

  B goes to find something else to do in the meantime.

• Step 2 – Select role playersAt first, it is best to have children who are older or more experienced at the skill do the role-play and have the other children watch and comment.

  If possible, give all interested children a turn to do the role-play. It is especially important that your child who is having difficulty has a turn to be part of the role-play.

• Step 3 – Children do the role-playA small group does the role-play and the other children watch and comment.

  After seeing a few examples, your child who is having trouble with the specific skill can be part of the role-play. Your child should play many different parts in the role-play.

  Encourage the children to role-play different scenarios and outcomes (e.g., when someone says, “No, you can’t share my toys.”)

• Step 4 – Provide feedbackAll children and adults give feedback to the role-players. Remember, you are modeling how to give positive feedback. Give specific, positive feedback to all children involved in the role-play. For example, “I liked how Ali asked Rebecca if he could use a crayon and how well Rebecca shared the crayons.”

What are Personal Stories?

Personal stories are a tool for teaching social skills to children. These stories clearly describe challenging social situations and provide suggestions about how to behave. The goal of a personal story is to increase your child’s understanding of a specific social situation and to offer alternative, appropriate responses to it. By giving your child some perspective on the thoughts, emotions, and behaviours of others, the personal story can help her better predict and understand social situations.

How do I use a Personal Story?

It is best to use a personal story when your child is calm and focused. Try reading and talking about the story daily (perhaps at the beginning of the day) so that your child is able to really understand, not when the challenging situation is actually happening.

Personal stories are always written from the child’s perspective, using positive language in the first person, (“I”) and in the present tense:

Correct: I sit quietly on my mat during circle time.

Incorrect: Cheryl must not talk during circle time.

When writing a personal story, make sure that you only mention what your child should be doing, not what she should not be doing:

Correct: I tidy up when I’m finished playing.

Incorrect: I don’t leave a mess after I’m finished playing.

Before writing a Social Story, be sure that:

• it focuses on teaching one behaviour or skill,
• you talk to other adults involved in your child’s life to get their input, as they may have some unique insight into the situation,
• when possible, involve your child in writing her own personal story,
• it is written at the appropriate level for your child and has visual supports or pictures, if necessary.

Depending on your child’s skill level, you can write the personal story using words only or you can add pictures or photographs. Here are some examples of how to use a personal story to teach a child to share:

A Personal Story using handwritten text and Boardmaker symbols:

INSERT PHOTO OF HAND-WRITTEN PERSONAL STORY

A Personal Story presented as a book – using text and photographs

We hope that these strategies will give you some ideas about how to support children who are learning to share their toys. After all, sharing is a social skill that we use throughout our lifetime so let’s teach children when they are young to learn this skill.

Source:

Personal stories are based on “Social Stories” created by Carol Gray.