Developing a partnership with the family is very important when we share the care of their child. We communicate with parents on a daily basis. We often talk about their child’s achievements, friends, or the things he particularly enjoyed doing. We talk about how their child is settling in, our program, and the philosophy and goals of our service.

But, how do we tell the family about our perception that their child may be experiencing difficulties with their behaviour or development?

Remember, what we see as a problem may not be viewed this way by the family. This has significant implications for:

• what concerns we raise
• when we raise concerns
• how we raise concerns with the family

Once a concern has been identified, it is important to consider both the needs of the family and all the members of the teaching team, including yourself. It is possible that neither party may want to talk about the concern – both staff and family can be reluctant to discuss areas of difficulty.

Understanding the family’s reluctance to hear the message

A family can react quite differently than expected to information about their child.

• You may have observed your areas of concern for some time, while it may be the first time the family has considered these concerns. The family may not feel “ready” to consider these issues about their child.
• A family may also go into “threat” mode when approached about their child. The parents may see it as a criticism of their parenting skills.

Understanding staff reluctance to deliver the message

Why is it difficult to move from discussing what the child ate and with whom they played, to raising what you believe is an area of concern? Here are some possible reasons:

• Staff can feel threatened, too.
• We may not feel comfortable about the information we are reporting or we may not have had enough time to build a good rapport with the family before we need to raise concerns.
• We may feel under-resourced and are not sure where to refer the family, or are afraid of a negative reaction from a defensive parent.
• We may even feel so concerned about the possible feelings of a family that we avoid the issue entirely.

If we really do have concerns about a child, we need to try talking to the family for the benefit of the child.

Raising Concerns

Before you raise concerns with the family, consider the following suggestions:

• Talk to colleagues about your concerns. You may want to discuss the issue with your Supervisor and/or inform yourself about the centre’s protocol for communicating with parents.
• Determine who would be the appropriate person to talk with the family – perhaps the Supervisor, another team member, or you.
• Talk to the family as soon as possible. If there are two parents/guardians, try to see them together.
• Find a time to discuss your concerns with the family WITHOUT the child being present.
• Demonstrate an attitude of respect towards the family’s particular culture, religion, socio-economic, and linguistic background.
• Timing is important:
  • While the child is clinging to his mother’s leg, not wanting her to leave, or as she is hurrying off to work, is not the best time to approach a parent.
  • Likewise, at the end of the day, a few words about how the day went is good, but it may not be the best time for informing a parent about a concern.
  • Allow adequate time for the meeting and provide a location that ensures privacy.

When meeting with a family consider the following suggestions:

• Be positive, supportive, and honest about the child when raising concerns.
• Give the family examples of the child’s strengths or areas that have shown improvement. Remember the importance of a positive approach when talking to a family.
• Plan ahead and think about what you are going to say. You may even wish to write it down before meeting with the family.
• Acknowledge that your concerns are based on your observations in only one setting and that there are many reasons for behaviour.
• Be prepared:
  • Have concrete examples of your concerns
  • make sure they are objective.
  • Have a list of different services and appropriate support groups (with the names of relevant people), to which the family can be referred.
  • Develop an action plan with the family about what to do next. Have some ideas ready to suggest to the family.
  • Be prepared to consider what the family suggests, even if it is quite different from what you had in mind.
• Reassure the family that staff members are happy to work with them to achieve the best outcome for their child.

Though breaking the news can be difficult, it is important that the issue be raised as soon as possible. This may allow for earlier intervention, which could provide the support necessary for their child to reach his/her potential.

References:

Managing Challenging Behaviour (2003). New South Wales Department of Community Services.