Hello everyone, first of all Jenna I applaud you for this post. I am a parent with a son 26 years old who has developmental delay disabilities. He is high functioning and seems to feel that he doesn’t fit in any society because he hasn’t found a social circle of people that just accepts him as he is. We are both very new to this forum and connection with other parents and people with the same problems.

This is a reality we have to face, as a parent I have watched my son being taken advantage of over and over again by women who didn’t really want to date him but just wanted him around when he had money in the bank. For example he would receive calls to go for a movie, he gets so excited and goes but the woman turns up with her own boyfriend or other friends whom she talks to throughout the whole night ignoring my son, after his purpose was accomplished….payment for the movie and pop corn!!! I have other examples but the point is if we don’t connect our children who will? If we don’t give them an opportunity to fall in love with people that understand them, will not judge them, who will?

Internet dating is on the rise and if this is the channel our children are exploring we might as well come up with a safe website for them as soon as possible before they are taken advantage of by some wierdos on the net.

By the way what is the best way for my son to meet and socialize with other people with the same disabilities, not necessarily dating but just making friends and hanging out???

Hi Bonnie – thank you so much for the info, I will certainly check out the websites and Parks & Rec. My son, Emmanuel work’s part-time at Lobblaws which could be 4 hour shifts of anything between 3 to 4 days per week, otherwise he is home most of the time. I have a full-time job so we connect when I get home in the evening. Do you guys still have the regular get together night? From your email it sounds like you no longer have them……if any of you are having these get togethers would you mind if my son joins in and I wouldn’t mind hosting something like that in my house. We missed the Saturday dinner dance because he was working a night shift. Does anyone have any feedback on The Mix Lounge, I saw that on the website and my son wanted to check it it out April 26th? Thank you all for your support, much appreciated. Thank you.

Hi Bonnie – thank you so much….I am new at this whole networking but am learning very fast! It’s quite a relief to know that I am not the only one facing these challenges of raising a child with developmental disabilities. Emmanuel is 26 as I said but mentally operates 8 to 10 years younger than his physical age. He doesn’t have down syndrome but his memory functions in unique ways. This weekend he was telling me in detail an incident that happened when he was about 2yrs or so, yet he struggles to calculate 2×2 and retain knowledge of simple times tables or additions. It used to take him time like up to 3 weeks to figure out his TTC route to work or downtown but now he is now ok, he goes alone, once he gets it he gets it. On face value people won’t realize that he has disabilities until they get involved deeply into conversation with him that is when they realize that something is amiss. So I was told that he is high functional – whatever that means – .

On the subject of staying alone, that would be very nice but I have my reservations, he cannot handle money, he has no sense of the value of money and people do take advantage of him because of this. He once wanted to stay alone so much that through some bad friends he was advised to go into a shelter, after 2 days of desperately looking for him the police eventually found him in a shelter. He told them he just wanted to make it on his own. I left him there for 3 months and slowly we got him back, first by finding him his own basement room near York University. It’s a bad area I was so worried about him but had to leave him there. After another 3 months he wanted to come back home. We worked out a good compromise, I left my condo, rented it out and I rented a house with a basement apartment. He moved into the basement, has his own private domain, he can cook his own meals and literally has his own independence for as long as he wants. I don’t interfere I live upstairs with his sister – and I am now also offering homestay room rentals to international students. Emmanuel comes up to the kitchen once in a while to eat our meals, or make himself his favorite dishes. He helps around the house cleaning, taking out the trash and even cooking sometimes!!

Dating is a big issue for him – he wants to find someone special, he shares his dreams about how he would treat his wife and children. Anyway first thing first, it would really be nice if he could find good friends. Currently he doesn’t have any safety boundaries he befriends anyone whom he talks to, this could be street people to anyone. I once asked him why he talks and makes friends with such people and he said, “Mom those people are lonely just as I am, they also want someone to talk to them, so why not me?”
He said,”Besides they are not judgmental, they don’t care that I can’t follow their conversation, they just accept me just as I am, other people don’t understand me and they ask me, “what’s wrong with you man?” so what am I supposed to say?”
You can imagine how much this reality breaks my heart! It is true, we attend a very good church, there are youths and young adults in that church but because they don’t understand him, they shy away from him and he has sensed it that they don’t really want to hang out with him so he stopped going for the Friday night youths and young adults meetings.

Sorry I didn’t mean to write a book … LOL! But thank you I am going to check the websites now. Oh by the way my full name is Phillipa (Pippa for short) and we live north around Yonge & Steeles, since we are in the center we can pretty much go to any location east or west. Where there is a will there is a way, distance doesn’t matter!!!