Separation Anxiety in Children

It is natural for children to experience anxiety when introduced to new places and people that may disrupt a child’s normal routines and activities, like going to an early learning program, making friends or sleeping.

Starting in a new program can be an emotional experience for both parent and child. Some resistance or distress are common during the adjustment period. Careful planning and collaboration can help with the transition between the home and program.

Any indication of a child experiencing anxiety requires a supportive and empathetic response to help them manage worries and learn a variety of coping skills.

Tips for Parents

Understand your own response to the change, what are you modeling?
Be enthusiastic about the upcoming change. Being an excited and confident parent will make you a good role model.
Prepare yourself. Take note of how your child reacts to separation.
If possible, visit the new setting with your child or explore options of connecting virtually with the program.
Start daily routines that will help with the transition in advance. Have your child help with packing their backpack or selecting clothing. It may also be helpful to adjust bedtime and wake-up routines several weeks before the transition.
Include family and cultural practices throughout the day, ones that will help your child find a way to ground themselves within their identity.
Explain when and where you will be picking up your child. For example, you might say to your child “After lunch and sleep, I will come to get you. You will probably be playing outside then. I will know where to find you.” A common fear is that you will not return or that you will not find each other. If another family member or caregiver will be picking up the child be sure to let them know.
Try using a visual schedule, showing pictures of the daily routine and a step-by-step mini-schedule of the program entry routine. This will help your child understand what is happening and what to expect.
Always say goodbye to your child regardless of how tempting it may seem to leave while your child is distracted. This may increase their anxiety and cause them to cling to you more on future occasions. It is equally important not to prolong the goodbye as it will cause you both to have unnecessary stress.
Use tools such as calendars, books or personalized stories to help your child understand the change.

Tips for the Program

Allow space and permission to express emotions without shame and offer comfort and reassurance quickly when a child is distressed.
Share a video with families online, if permissible, that demonstrates the program’s fun toys and activities. This will help the child have a visual reference to the program and develop familiarity. Include special messages of welcome.
Warmly welcome each child and family as they come to the program. Greet them by name, let them know you’re glad to see them and ask how they are doing.
Show the child around the program and introduce them to the other children and adults.
Get to know the child and family as quickly as possible. Parents can provide information about their children’s likes, dislikes and interests and can give valuable insight into considerations around culture and identity. Be open to suggestions from families. Parents can offer specific suggestions and strategies they have found useful for their own child. Remember, a parent knows their child best.
Develop a goodbye ritual with the family. Rituals are reassuring, especially during stressful times. Help the parent plan a special way to say goodbye, such as a wave through the window or a hug.
Reassure children about their safety and the safety of loved ones. For some parents who might have their own anxieties about keeping their children “safe”, it is crucial to reinforce that measures are in place to protect children.
Offer a favourite toy, activity or ‘helper’ role once the parent has said goodbye to help redirect the child’s attention. Remain engaged in that activity with the child.
Use a visual schedule, showing pictures of the daily routine and a step-by-step mini-schedule of the program entry routine.
Make sure activities are developmentally appropriate. Interesting and engaging activities will help a child feel comfortable in their new setting.

Remember

It is not uncommon for your child to show delayed separation anxiety even after the initial transitions have gone smoothly. Your child will eventually resettle back into the routine with your support and reassurance.

Children, like adults, need time to adjust to new people, situations and experiences. Thoughtful and supportive responses on the part of the adults in a child’s life can help them learn how to approach fears and manage their anxiety.

Helping your child respond positively to a new environment supports healthy emotional development. Remember that all children are unique and have different ways of managing. What is tolerable to us may not be for your child. It’s important to understand the cause of the anxiety and the ways to support them. Caregivers, family members and early learning educators share a role in helping children feel safe and secure.

Sometimes, it may be more than separation anxiety. Consider other possible sources of stress in the child’s life. If your child continues to be inconsolable in a new program, stops eating or sleeping well, refuses to interact with others, and/or has an ongoing change in mood you may want to discuss these concerns and consider seeking help from your child’s doctor.

Glossary

Anxiety – is a state of being uneasy, apprehensive or worried about what may happen, or a concern about a possible future event.

Separation Anxiety – when a child is anxious about being away from their parent or primary caregiver. Infants can have this as early as 7 months, but separation anxiety usually peaks between a year and 18 months.

Stress – the physiological reaction of the body to life situations that can be either happy or unhappy.

Children’s Literature

Appelt, K., (2000). Oh My Baby, Little One, Harcourt, Inc.
Dewdney, A., (2009). Llama Llama Misses Mama, Viking Books for Young Readers
Henkes, K., (2000). Wemberly Worried, Willowgreen Books
Karst, E., (2000). The Invisible String, Devross & Company Publishers
Krouse Rosenthal, A., (2016). That’s Me Loving You, Random House Children’s Books
Penn, A., (1993). The Kissing Hand, Tanglewood Press
Rusackas, F., (2003). I Love You All Day Long, Harper Collins
Spinelli, E., (1998). When Mama Come Home Tonight, Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Verdick, E., (2008). Bye-bye Time, Free Spirit Publishing
Waddell, M., (2015). Owl Babies, Candlewick Press

References

Beidel, D. C., & Turner, S.M. (2005). Childhood anxiety disorders: A guide and treatment. New York: Routledge.

Chaos & Quiet. (n.d.). 11 Children’s Books to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety. Retrieved from https://chaosandquiet.com/childrens-books-separation-anxiety/.

Cooper, H. (2020, March 05). Helping Children and Teens Cope with Anxiety About COVID-19. Retrieved June 11, 2020, from https://pulse.seattlechildrens.org/helping-children-and-teens-cope-with-anxiety-covid-19/

Dyme Bartlett, J., Griffin, J., & Thomson, D. (2020, March 19). Resources for Supporting Children’s Emotional Well-being during COVID-19 Pandemic. Retrieved June 11, 2020 from https://www.childtrends.org/publications/resources-for-supporting-childrens-emotional-well-being-during-the-covid-19-pandemic

Hurley, K. (2018). Helping Kids with Anxiety: Strategies to Help Anxious Children. Retrieved June 11, 2020 from https://www.psycom.net/help-kids-with-anxiety

Illinois Early Learning Project, (2005). Please don’t go: Separation Anxiety and Children. Retrieved June 11, 2020 from https://illinoisearlylearning.org/tipsheets/sepanxiety/

Mount Pleasant Family Centre Society. (2020, April 22). Early Childhood Development in a Time of Pandemic. Retrieved June 11, 2020, from https://www.mpfamilycentre.ca

Rural Small Town Ontario

Boy crossing street in front of school bus

On this page we are highlighting content that was created for a rural setting. These tip sheets and workshop were created in partnership with Community Living Tillsonburg .

School Bus Safety workshop

Play video

An audio visual workshop teaching parents and children how to travel on the bus safely.

Articles

Getting ready for the first day on the school bus, preparation for the first trip on the bus.
Safe travel with children, strategies for making travelling with children enjoyable and safe for everyone.
Children on the farm, safety tips for children on the farm.

Communicating For Fun Calendars

Communicating for Fun, a tip sheet including links to Communication calendars for toddlers, preschoolers and kindergarten aged children.

Songs for Family Music

Families+Counting+Music=Family Music: A collection of songs from the Esso Family Math Centre:

Math Walk

Mathematically Me

Ten in Bed (short)

Ten in Bed (long)

One Red, Two Red

Teddy Bear, Teddy bear

If You’re Happy

Toe, Knee Chestnut

Over in the Meadow

Ants go Marching

Hokey Pokey

Head and Shoulders

Looby Loo

There was a Little Turtle

Wheels on the Bus

Ontario Ministry of Education

http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/

Getting ready for the first day on the school bus

The very first day of school is a big step in your child’s life. The first ride on the school bus is just as important as the first day at school itself. When you pause to think about it, the school bus ride will be the first and last part of your child’s school day. As a parent, you can plan ahead to make this a comfortable new experience.

There are many ways that parents and caregivers can prepare children for riding on the bus. Here is a list of ideas to help get ready for the first big day:

Ask at the school about the rules of riding on the school bus. It is reassuring for parents and children when they already know what to expect when they step onto the bus for the first time. See if a bus buddy can be arranged for children with limited vocabulary.
Create a personalized storybook about the first day of school. See the Tip Sheets in Creating Social Stories for ideas. You might start with “My Mom says I’m big enough to go to school.” Read the story with your child. Leave it out for them to read so they can become more familiar with idea of riding the bus.
Put together a Parent Book for you. Include a list of contact numbers, bus stop times, driver’s name, arranged seating plan for your child and
destination. You may also want to include: characteristics of your child, the strengths and needs of your child, list of bus rules, helpful tips for parents
(this tip sheet).
Make a bus riding sequence using the Visuals Engine.
Create a matching game like Concentration. Use bus-related symbols, pictures or traffic signs relating to schools & school bus safety.
Drive the bus route to school. During the car ride, encourage children to practice the school bus safety rules (speak softly, keep hands & feet to
yourself).
Check with your school about the First Rider Program. It gives new students and their parents a close-up look at riding the school bus.
On a rainy day, pretend you are going on a bus ride. Line up some chairs in your house as though they were seats on a bus. Practice saying together,“Sit in your seat and tuck in your feet.”
Draw and colour pictures of children following school bus safety rules. Check online for printable colouring pages.
Have a Dress Rehearsal Morning. Get up early and rehearse getting ready for the school bus.

Tips For Parents:

When arranging for specialized bus services:

Be positive
Know your child’s strengths and needs
Be assertive and calm
Make requests rather than demands
Share strategies that work with your child at home

When communicating with the bus driver:

Keep conversation short, the driver must be at the next stop on time
Speak in a positive way about the school and its staff, your child is listening
Inquire about how your child behaves on the bus and how it is handled
Communicate before any problems escalate

Communicate openly with the bus driver and other adults that your child will see during their school day. Tell them about important changes in your child’s
life. The appropriate adjustments can be made using your updates. Work together as a team to help your
child have a positive experience at school.

Check online with your school board and province for local rules and information regarding school bus travel.

Tips for Child Care Professionals:

Children may need to get on (load) or get off the bus (unload) while they are in your care. Here are a few suggestions to help prepare them for the first big day:

Have children paint a big yellow box (school bus). Role play the first trip on the bus. This can be done in the Drama Centre or outside. Include backpacks and pretend lunches in the Drama Centre.
It is useful for you to have the same information that parents do, like bus safety. Ask parents about bus safety information at the same time as school
schedules. Bus rules that are consistent at home and child care are much easier to follow.
For safety and consistency reasons, set up a Bus Stop Safety Plan. The plan may include 10 steps out, 10 steps over, designated partners/ buddies,
following the teacher/leader/adult
Practice the bus rules with the children as an activity in your regular program.
Review the bus rules as you are walking to the bus stop together. Start a sentence and have the child fill in the key word. “You only cross in front of the bus when (who?) THE BUS DRIVER signals that it is safe.” “Sit in your seat and tuck in your FEET.” “What kind of voice do you use while you
are on the bus?”

School Bus Safety

An audio visual workshop teaching parents and children how to travel on the bus safely.

Exploring Creative Alternatives to Government Funded Programs

A DSTO Information Session Presented by Jenny and Mary Pat Armstrong, Jenny and Bonnie Heath, Esther Tuohy facilitated by Frances MacNeil (May 2010)

Task Analysis

As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional, your job is to teach new skills that will move your child forward in their development and independence. You also teach new skills to reduce frustration, promote self-esteem, and to replace behaviour that may not be the most acceptable. An example of this is the child who screams in order to get help from a caregiver when asked to put on his shoes. This child may need to be taught either to ask for help, or to actually learn the skill of tying shoe laces.

What is the best way to teach these new skills? While all children are not the same, we know that many children need support in the following areas when learning a new skill:

Organizing the steps
Sequencing the steps
Mastering the steps
Gaining motivation to master the steps
Generalizing the new skill to new people, places, and conditions

Organization and Sequencing through Task Analysis

Though some children quickly learn skills through observing and imitating others, many children need the new skill broken to be down into smaller steps and to be allowed time to master each step in the sequence. The breaking down of complex skills into smaller components is called Task Analysis. Anything we do can be broken down into smaller steps. The number of steps depends on the needs of the child.

Let’s look at an example. At lunch time, Simithy doesn’t like to wait for you to serve the other children and then spoon feed her. She often cries and throws her bowl. You decide that it would be helpful to teach her to use a spoon to feed herself. A task analysis is completed and five steps in the spoon-feeding chain are identified.

pick up the spoon
put spoon into the food in the bowl
scoop food onto the spoon
lift spoonful of food from the bowl
put the food into the mouth

Five steps may be perfect for Simithy, but if she has some motor difficulties, she might need much smaller steps. For example:

reach for the spoon
grasp the spoon
pick up the spoon, etc.

The way to find out how many steps are needed is to first break the skill you want to teach into smaller steps. Next, test your list with your child to see what steps he already can do and which may be too big a leap. You don’t need to worry about teaching the steps he already knows. The steps that are really difficult for him, may need to be broken down further.

Once you have a task breakdown that is workable and yet flexible enough to change as you get a better sense of your child’s learning style, then you are almost ready to get started. First you’ll want to learn more about a couple of proven teaching techniques such as Chaining and Shaping.

My First Job

For people just beginning to think about life after school, after school or weekend jobs are the most likely place they will start. They might be limited in their choices by the opportunities available, but remember, even if a job does not sound like exactly what a person wants to do, it might be useful in learning some skills that will give them more qualifications in the future.

Resume:

To begin, a person should have a resume to give to employers. A school guidance counsellor should be able to help them with this. If the person is not in school, there are many community resources that can help. Start by checking on the internet or at your local library for advice.

In every resume it is important to include all their work experience. They may not have had a “regular job” before but things like grass cutting, snow shoveling, dog walking and errands for neighbours will demonstrate that they can work independently and are motivated!

Don’t forget to include the skills gained through extra-curricular activities. That talent and an employer’s need just might overlap!

Remember to always update their resume when their contact information changes, as well as each time they start (or finish) a new job.

Consider qualifications they could get to increase their chances such as baby sitting certificates, first aid training, or swimming medallions. They will want to include any awards or proof of their skills on their resume.

The Job Search

When looking for a job, there are several places that will have postings. Checking the classified section of a local newspaper for listings (or even contacting the paper about obtaining a paper route) could help someone on the way to obtaining a job. Checking bulletin boards at local recreation centres, supermarkets and libraries could lead to cleaning, baby sitting, lawn care, or other employment opportunities close to home.

Government employment centres will have job postings too. In Canada, HRSDC even offers access to their job bank online. (See: http://www.jobbank.gc.ca/) The internet offers a lot of other opportunities to find work. Consider checking websites of government departments such as Parks and Recreation or a local municipality website. Both the Government of Canada and Ontario websites have a job opportunities section and even have a “youth jobs” category. Take a look for websites of local businesses as well as Chambers of Commerce. They might post opportunities, usually listed under categories such as “job opportunities” or “human resources”.

If a person is enjoying their current volunteer or co-op placement, check with the people who set up the placement to learn about opportunities there. Sometimes employers are more than happy to begin paying people for their work. Employers do expect to get a return for their money, and working comes with the expectation of independence on the job, as well as the higher level of responsibilities common to all paid employees that might not be expected in co-op and volunteer placements.

Sometimes finding a new employment opportunity is as simple as taking a walk. Look for “Position Available”, “Help Wanted” or “Now Hiring” signs, posted at local businesses. If a person is interested in working for a specific company, they can often pick up an application at the Customer Service desk (take two if you can, just in case you make a mistake!). Even if the company does not have a position at the moment, many stores keep applications on file for a while.

Finally, never be afraid to network. Ask everyone you know (friends, family members, teachers, support staff, co-workers) about what they do for a living, and if there are opportunities available in their workplace. Sometimes jobs aren’t obvious, but every work place has needs to be filled. Let people know that you are looking to develop an employment opportunity and ask them to keep you in mind the next time they go to work.

As you can see, job opportunities are readily available however it is also important to remember that a person’s first job is likely not where they will spend the rest of their lives. The experiences and skills they learn will carry over into future job opportunities. Being flexible early on may lead to the ideal job down the road, so keep an open mind when trying to obtain employment.

Special Diets

girl being fed

It is not uncommon for young children to have allergies or intolerances to certain foods like nuts, eggs, and even milk. Planning and preparing for snacks and lunchtimes can sometimes be a challenging task. By working together as a team of parents, food services staff, caregivers and other members of the teaching team, you can help eliminate or minimize exposure to certain foods and accommodate specialized diets.

We’re going to take a look at some of the more common “specialized diets” and review what the allergy or intolerance is and what the symptoms may be. We will also explore some strategies to help you follow through with these specialized diets in the home and centre and classroom.

Strategies to help you follow a specialized diet:

A daily communication book between a caregiver or teacher and parent can be useful for recording any changes in behaviour, accidental slip-ups in the diet, as well as questions or concerns about products your child may contact.

A special diet typically does not include any unusual supplements, invasive drugs, or expensive treatments. It is just a matter of knowing what foods and food items are to be avoided and being aware of possible side effects.

Specialized Diets

Casein-Free Diet

Individuals on a casein-free diet have likely displayed an adverse reaction to casein, which is a milk protein.

Casein is most commonly found in dairy products, but it is also widely used in processed food and fortified products. Unsuspecting food items which typically contain casein include imitation sausages, soups, stews, high-protein beverage powders, fortified cereals, infant formula, nutrition bars, bakery glazes, coffee whiteners, processed meats, salad dressings, sauces, and whipped toppings.

Terms such as “cheese”, “curds”, “milk proteins”, and “milk solids” indicate the presence of casein. It is also important to note that “non-dairy” does not always mean a food is casein-free.

Additionally, a casein-derivative (Recaldent) is used in some products like chewing gum. Cosmetics, adhesives, pharmaceutical, nutritional and personal care products may also contain derivatives of casein.

Gluten Free Diet

Individuals on a gluten-free diet have likely displayed an adverse reaction to gluten, which is a wheat protein found in grains such as wheat, oats, rye, barley, spelt, kamut, triticale, and semolina.

Many processed, canned, frozen, or other packaged foods also contain gluten. Unsuspected food items that often contain gluten include candy, gum, self-basting turkeys, cold cuts or sliced meats, soya sauce, condiments, as well as prepared stocks and soups.

As well, be cautious about foods that have terms such as natural flavorings, flavor extracts, or spice extracts in the ingredients, as gluten may be used in the processing of these products. It is also important not to take the words “wheat-free” as evidence of an item being gluten-free.

When dealing with young children, it is good to note that envelopes, play dough, and school glue are likely to be hidden sources of gluten.

Celiac disease is a specific form of gluten intolerance, whereby gluten damages the small intestine and stops the absorption of nutrients. Diarrhea, stomach pain, and indigestion are typical symptoms. Individuals with this diagnosis are placed on strict gluten-free diets. Even the slightest contact with gluten should be avoided. Using separate pots and pans or tin foil on a grill can greatly reduce the chances of gluten-free foods coming into contact with gluten.

Alternatives to gluten include rice, corn, potato, tapioca, and soya products.

Casein and gluten are very similar structurally. It is likely that a child reacting negatively to one may also do so to the other.

Preliminary evidence suggests that some children have an inability to break down certain proteins in foods (particularly casein and gluten), which affects their brain and may result in autistic behaviours. This information has not yet been scientifically proven. Additionally, many children on the autistic spectrum also seem to have difficulty tolerating corn, soy, egg yolk, tomato, oranges, red grapes, coloured fruits/vegetables, and beef.

Changes that have been reported in children with a diagnosis of autism who are on the casein-free/gluten-free diet include improvements in:

communication (verbal and non-verbal)
eye contact
social skills
attention span
anxiety levels
aggressive behaviour and mood swings
coordination
bowel movements
sleep patterns

However, a significant amount of variance exists among between individual children in terms of which skills (if any) improve, how quickly, and to what extent.

Feingold Diet

The Feingold Diet is a dietary treatment that may be implemented with children diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. It is based on the belief that some individuals are sensitive to synthetic food additives, and that eliminating them from the diet can have a positive impact on learning and behaviour.

Ingredients considered to be synthetic food additives include artificial flavours, artificial colouring, artificial preservatives (anti-oxidant chemicals – BHA, BHT and TBHQ), and artificial sweeteners (Aspartame and Nutrasweet).

Almonds, apples, currants, grapes, nectarines, oranges, peaches, pickles, plums, prunes, raisins, raspberries, strawberries, and tomatoes may also be removed from the diet, as they naturally contain salicylates.

Egg-Free Diet

Individuals on an egg-free diet may have displayed an allergic reaction to eggs or products that contain egg protein, or they may simply be following a vegan/vegetarian diet.

Food products that most likely contain egg protein include albumin, prepared beverages, creamed foods, frostings, creamy fillings, ice cream, sherbet, mayonnaise and other creamy sauces, meat or fish batter, pancakes, waffles, puddings. As well, some baby foods, salad dressings, soups, cakes, muffins, cookies, pretzels, breaded foods, and breads most likely contain eggs or egg protein.

Terms such as “apovitellenins I and VI”, “globulin”, “livetin”, “lysozyme” and “phosvitin” indicate the presence of egg protein. Also, avoid food items with ingredients that begin with “ova-“ or “ovo-“.

Alternatives to eggs when baking include soy flour, Xanthan gum, unflavoured gelatin, water, tofu, or vinegar. Adding extra baking powder, oil, or cornstarch may also be successful.

Nut-Free Diet

Although many child care centres and schools are already striving to be nut-free, it is important for staff and parents to realize that this means eliminating contact with any nut product. This includes foods which may contain traces of nuts, or those made in factories manufacturing other products with nuts. Many food products now have warnings on the label.

Pre-packaged cakes, cookies, muffins, and other items found in the bakery section of the supermarket are not considered nut-free, even though they may not directly contain nuts or have a warning on them.

Products manufactured in completely nut-free environments are available.

Anger Management

Anger Management Program

This six session Anger Management program originated from a commitment to helping children (from the ages of 2.5 and up) begin to build a foundation for understanding anger and incorporate strategies to deal with feelings of anger in their every day lives. Although at the present time this program has been used with Early Childhood Educators and children in child care, home providers and parents could also implement the program (or individual strategies from the sessions).

The philosophy of the program recognizes that early awareness of anger and its management promote the likelihood that children will internalize calming techniques and increase conflict resolution skills. The program takes an eclectic approach (including yoga/calming activities, visual strategies, hands-on activities such as games, songs, stories, and cooperative activities) because children learn best from seeing appropriate behaviours modeled for them in a variety of ways to accommodate all learning styles.

The program is sequential with each session building on the previous session. There are six twenty-minute group sessions and they follow a consistent agenda to reinforce learning:

1 – Recognizing Anger in Oneself 2 – Anger Rules and Introduction to Safe Ways to Express Anger 3 – Additional Strategies for Teaching Safe Ways to Express Anger 4 – Taking Control of Your Anger 5 – Conflict Resolution (Child To Adult) 6 – Conflict Resolution (Between Peers)

Articles

The Anger ABC’s Book

A small book outlining strategies to help calm children with anger problems. Print out the PDF and assemble it yourself. Or you can order a printed copy.

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