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Anxiety for Young Children

It is natural to become anxious when we do not understand what is expected in certain situations or settings. In other words, when environmental and/or situational demands become unclear, it can generate anxiety in many of us.

All children experience some anxiety; this is normal and expected. For example, when left alone at child care or kindergarten for the first time, many children will show distress. Some children may also develop a fear of the dark. Dealing with changes in the daily routine can bring about anxiety in some children. Such anxiety becomes a problem when it interrupts a child’s normal activities, like attending school, making friends or sleeping.

Supporting the Child

Entering into a new child care arrangement can be an emotional experience for both parent and child. However, careful planning, and the knowledge that some separation anxiety and tears are normal, can make the transition from parent to caregiver as pleasant as possible. How quickly the child adapts depends on a number of factors including: the child’s age and stage of development; the child’s past experiences in the care of others; the skills of the new caregiver and appropriateness of the new setting; and the parents’ ability to prepare themselves and the child for the separation. Here are some strategies that you can pass on for parents to consider before the child starts child care or if the child is having difficulty upon arrival to the centre.

How parents can help:

  • Be enthusiastic about the upcoming change. If you are excited and confident, your child will be, too.
  • Prepare yourself. Take note of how your child reacts to separation. If possible, visit the new setting with your child. Introduce your child to the new teacher or early childhood professional in advance.
  • Arrange a play date (if possible) with another child from the program, preferably one-on-one, so that your child will see a familiar face when she walks in.
  • Start daily routines that will add to continuity. Let your child become involved with packing her backpack or laying out clothes. Also, begin an earlier bedtime several weeks before.
  • Explain when and where you will be picking her up. For example you might say to your child “After lunch and sleep, I will come. You will probably be playing outside then. I will know where to find you”. A common fear is that you will not return or that you will not find each other. If another family member or caregiver will be picking up the child be sure to let her know.
  • Always say good-bye to your child. Regardless of how tempting it may seem never sneak out while the child is distracted. This destroys trust and will encourage the child to cling more on future occasions. But remember not to prolong the good-bye. If the child whines or clings, staying will only make it harder.
  • Your stress level can contribute to separation anxiety. Anxiety about child care arrangements or guilt about leaving may add to your child’s distress. Make sure that you feel confident about the child care arrangements that you’ve made. And remember, some time spent apart can be good for you both.

How early childhood educators can help:

  • Make sure activities are developmentally appropriate. Interesting and challenging activities will help a child feel comfortable in her new setting.
  • Get to know the child as quickly as possible. Parents can provide information about children’s likes, dislikes, and special interests.
  • Welcome suggestions from families. Parents can offer specific suggestions they have found useful for their own child. Remember, a parent knows their child best.
  • Show the child around the child care centre and introduce her to other adults who are part of the child care program.
  • Develop a goodbye ritual with the family. Rituals are reassuring, especially during stressful times. Help the parent plan a special way to say goodbye, such as a wave through the window or a hug. You may also want to ask the parent who will be picking up the child or at what time. This information can help to reassure the child that her parent will be returning.

Sometimes, it may be more than separation anxiety. Consider other possible sources of stress in the child’s life. If a child continues to be inconsolable in a new child care or other setting for more than 2 weeks or stops eating or sleeping well, refuses to interact with others, and has an ongoing change in behaviour you will want to discuss the concern with the child’s family and consider seeking help from a professional.

Children, just like adults, need time to adjust to new people and situations. Experience can make transition a bit easier, but even with experience,
change can still be stressful. Patience and understanding on the part of parents and caregivers will help children learn how to approach new situations with confidence – a skill that will help them make successful transitions throughout life.

General Strategies for Dealing with Anxiety

Adjusting to a sudden or unexpected change or knowing that an unpleasant activity is next often poses a challenge for some children with special needs. Here are some strategies to keep in mind:

  • Make an effort to cut down on activities when you see signs of stress in a child’s behaviour. Allow each child to go at her own pace.
  • Teach a child tricks for calming herself, such as taking deep breaths, thinking of a quiet place, counting to ten, etc.
  • Plan plenty of time for play. Inform the child when there will be transitions or changes in the child care curriculum. For example, provide a visual cue like turning the lights off to indicate that a change is coming and say, “Two more minutes, then circle time”.
  • Give a child a special toy for comfort or allow her to bring one from home.
  • Teach the child to recognize which situations or events are stress-inducing and how to manage her anxieties.
  • Use visual aides to help describe the upcoming events, or strategies that a child may use to deal with her anxiety (e.g., storybooks, personalized social stories, daily schedule).

Let’s take a look at an example:

Jaspal is a young girl with autism and always hides behind the art shelf before going to the gym. While in the gym room, Jaspal does not participate in
activities and constantly runs towards the door or covers her ears. After observing and gathering some more information, her teachers believe that she is trying to escape the loud and echoing sounds she hears in the gym. This may explain why Jaspal hides or gets anxious, and tries to avoid gym time.

In this case, we can help Jaspal recognize what aspects about gym time make her anxious. We can also write a Social Story using picture symbols that describes the situation and what Jaspal can do in this situation. We can read the story every day and role play the scenario giving her a chance to practice and recall what to do when it is gym time. For example, the story might say:

My name is Jaspal.
Almost every day our class goes to the gym to play.
When it’s time to line up for gym, I can take a deep breath.
Sometimes, children play and shout in the gym and it gets very loud. This is OK.
My teacher will try to tell me when a loud activity is coming.
When I hear the loud sounds I can cover my ears, or ask to leave the gym.

Helping a child deal positively with events that cause anxiety, prepares her for a healthy emotional and social development. Parents and early childhood professionals share a role in making children feel safe and secure. If you are concerned that a child has difficulty with anxiety you should discuss this with the child’s family. Consultation from a child and adolescent psychiatrist or other qualified mental health professional may be recommended. Severe anxiety problems in children can be treated.


Anxiety – is a state of being uneasy, apprehensive or worried about what may happen, or a concern about a possible future event.

Phobia – an uncontrollable, irrational, and persistent fear of a specific object, situation, or activity.

Separation Anxiety – when an infant or toddler is anxious about being away from her primary caregiver.
Infants can have this as early as 7 months, but separation anxiety usually peaks between a year and 18 months.

Stress – the physiological reaction of the body to life situations that can be both happy and unhappy.


Illinois Early Learning Project.

Please don’t go: Separation Anxiety and Children.

Tip sheet available at

Child and Family Canada.

Coping with Separation Anxiety.

Resource Sheet #41. Available at

Beidel, Deborah C. (2005). Childhood anxiety disorders: A guide and treatment. Routledge.

The Groden Centre –

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