What is self-regulation?

Self-regulation is our ability to manage and control our own attention, energy levels, and emotions in ways that help us build positive relationships and a sense of wellbeing. As adults, each of us have a variety of strategies that we use to respond to situations, remain calm and return to a regulated emotional state. At times we may have to manage our responses to situations and navigate through different states of regulation. 

States of regulation may include the following:  

• Under-stimulated – For example; disappointed, sad, sick, lethargic, tired, bored
• Regulated – For example; calm, happy, tolerant, interactive, content, co-operative
• Heightened – For example; annoyed, irritated, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious
• Loss of control – For example; enraged, terrified, destructive, aggressive, overly excited

Typically, self-regulation develops gradually, from birth to young adulthood. During this time we strengthen our ability to self-regulate by building upon existing skills. Through early childhood and adolescence self-regulation skills continue to increase. 

What is dysregulation?

When we have difficulty responding to situations in a calm and emotionally flexible way this is known as emotional dysregulation. When this happens often, it can lead to difficulties with relationships, learning, wellbeing and the ability to cope in stressful situations.  

There are many biological, emotional, cognitive, social or sensory stressors that may lead to dysregulation such as: 

• Disrupted or lack of sleep
• Unhealthy diet 
• Changes or unpredictable routines
• Inconsistent modeling of emotions or support from adults
• Sensitivity to environmental stimuli, such as sound or lights

If your child shows signs of having difficulty with regulation, a consistent, supportive and empathetic response is needed to help them manage and learn coping skills.

What is external regulation?

As the beginnings of self-regulation are still developing in young children, infants are not able to regulate on their own. They rely on responsive parenting to help them regulate. From birth, we watch and listen to our infant children for clues as to their emotional state (For example, frightened, happy and angry). By responding to our child’s needs, a trusting relationship is built.

What is co-regulation?

You can support your child to learn how to identify their own needs and when to look for help. This begins with modelling how to control and express our own feelings and actions appropriately. The development of self-regulation relies on a strong foundation of supportive relationships.

Helping children learn to self-regulate

You can help your child to recognize and process their own feelings by describing them (e.g., “you look sad”) and suggesting ways to work through it (For example, “Would you like to find another toy?” or “Do you need a hug?”). By learning to identify their emotions, your child can begin to practice ways to manage situations.

Here are some tips that you can use to help your child learn to self-regulate:

• As much as possible, use a calm and composed manner
• Be warm, responsive, and supportive. 
• Be as calm and consistent as possible in your response to situations
• Maintain a calm, safe and consistent environment
• Label and acknowledge your own and your child’s emotions
• Coach your child to use words or pictures to identify their emotions
• Provide opportunities to practice self-regulation skills together at times when things are calm
• Encourage and praise your child’s efforts

Observe your child through a variety of situations to get a better understanding of how they are regulating their emotions and responding to their environment. The following chart will help you to plan.

State	Strategies for children	Adult supports
Under-Stimulated Disappointed, sad, sick, lethargic, tired, bored	Exercise Get a drink Chew crunchy foods Listen to music	Encourage gross motor play Provide a snack Play upbeat music Play a group activity
Regulated Calm, happy, tolerant, interactive, content, co-operative	Play with a friend Read or listen to a story Eat a snack Be a helper	Play with toys or read stories together Provide a snack Praise their efforts Offer helper tasks
Heightened Annoyed, irritated, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious	Take deep breaths Talk to a friend or a trusted adult Ask for help Take a break Read a familiar social story on calming down	Count out deep breaths Acknowledge emotions and body language Dim the lights Offer a drink of water Provide a quiet area Model calmness
Loss of Control Enraged, terrified, destructive, aggressive, overly excited	Take deep breaths Count to 10 Take a break Squeeze a pillow/fidget	Ensure a safe physical environment Be physically present but give them personal space Limit talking and giving directions Acknowledge emotions Have a consistent approach with other adults Give time and opportunity for self-calming Allow them to approach you when they are ready Model calmness

Remember…

A safe, secure environment and positive relationships create opportunities for your child to co-regulate along with you. Parents, caregivers and educators play a vital role in supporting a child’s social and emotional development, which includes their ability to manage and respond to stress appropriately. 

When children can self-regulate, they are able to navigate through challenges and make productive choices. Knowing how to self-regulate is an important skill that supports their physical, emotional, and social wellbeing. 

What is Emotional Literacy?

Emotional Literacy is one’s ability to recognize, understand, label and express feelings. This also includes the ability to identify others emotions expressed through spoken language, body language and facial expressions.  

Nurturing Emotional Literacy helps children:

• Learn to self-calm and self-regulate
• Develop resiliency
• Express their feelings
• Develop social skills such as empathy, sharing and turn-taking
• Develop positive relationships with others

 Children learn Emotional Literacy through:

•  Watching children and adults
• Interacting with children and adults
• Receiving guidance from caring adults

As caring, responsive adults we can help children learn emotional literacy by first understanding our own emotions and recognize how feelings and responses to situations impact others. Adults play a key role in modelling positive emotions and responses.

What are the keys to Emotional Literacy?

Self-Awareness:

• Recognize our thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes
• Understand our internal emotional state(s) 

Self-Management:

• Show control over feelings and emotions
• Control impulses and reacting in acceptable ways
• Utilize strategies to help keep calm and regulated 

Social Awareness:

• Awareness of our connection with others
• Understand social expectations
• Monitor interactions with others
• Make independent decisions

Teaching Emotional Literacy

Before you decide what to teach, consider the skills and interests your child already has. Start at your child’s current skill level to help them build confidence and success in recognizing and labeling their own emotions.  You can teach your child emotional literacy using the following methods.

Use common language

• Use clear, specific words paired with pictures of emotions / faces to help your child learn to recognize emotions
• Name your feelings and your child’s and others’ as often as possible
• Talk with your child about emotions and explain what you see and hear

Model

• Acknowledge feelings and emotions, without judgement
• Use kind, respectful language such as “I’m here for you” 
• Offer open and positive body language. Avoid arm crossing or standing over your child.  Try to move down to your child’s eye level.
• Practice self-calming techniques, such as deep breathing.  Avoid saying “breathe” to your child. Instead, model deep breathing and label your own actions.

Practice through stories and play

• Read books, Social Stories^TM or tell real-life stories about feelings
• Act out emotions through role/dramatic play during fun, relaxing times of the day
• Play a game, such as “face charades” (facial expression guessing game) or “emotions dice”
• Make funny faces in the mirror together.  Practice all emotions and label these together

Reflect and re-tell

• Avoid extra talking when your child is having difficulty calming down; be present and available.
• Ask your child what happened and listen when they tell their story. In turn, help your child listen to others as they tell their own version of the situation
• Help your child label emotions for themselves; if your child is in the early stages of communication development, use ‘feelings cards’ or pictures to help them express what they are feeling
• For older children or children with a larger vocabulary ask them what they could do differently next time. Give one or two suggestions if the child is unable to identify another solution on their own. Practice the strategy and language together. For example, if a child becomes angry when another child takes their toy, the alternate response would be to teach the child to go to the teacher or to tell the other child “that toy is mine right now”

What are the Benefits of Emotional Literacy? 

Early learning and care programs are key environments for children to practice emotional literacy and explore relationships with others. Emotional literacy supports children to have an increased social awareness and develop stronger bonds with others.

Emotional literacy benefits the greater community by encouraging people to appreciate both similarities and differences within others, which strengthens communal values and connectedness.

Remember…

Emotional literacy is important and helps young child learn about their feelings and the feelings of others, but this takes time! Be patient and let your child know that you value and appreciate their efforts.  Continue to practice emotional literacy with your child in all daily interactions.