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Talking to the Family About Your Concerns Regarding Bullying

photo of parent teacher meeting

Developing a partnership with the family is very important when we share in the care of their child. We communicate with parents on a daily basis. We often talk about their child’s achievements, friends, or the things he particularly enjoys doing. We talk about how the child is settling in, our program, and the philosophy and goals of our service.

But how do we tell the family about the fact that their child is exhibiting bullying behaviour?

Remember that what we see as a problem may not be viewed this way by the family. This has significant implications for how we raise concerns with the family.

Once a concern has been identified, it is important to consider the needs of the children involved.

Understanding the family’s reluctance to hear the message

A family can react quite differently than expected to information about their child.

  • You may have observed the bullying behaviour for some time, while it may be the first time the family has considered these concerns. Some parents may not find the behaviours you consider to be bullying as unacceptable. This may be due to their personality, parenting style, or cultural background.
  • A family may also go into “threat” mode when approached about their child. The parents may see it as a criticism of their parenting skills.
  • You may need to remind parents of your anti-bullying policy (if your centre has one in place). Give general examples of bullying behaviours and the resulting consequences before describing specific incidents in which their child was involved.
  • Always maintain confidentiality when discussing specific incidents (i.e., do not disclose victim names).

Understanding your own reluctance to deliver the message

Why is it difficult to move from discussing what the child ate and with whom they played, to raising your concerns about bullying? Here are some possible reasons:

  • You and your colleagues can feel threatened, too.
  • You may not feel comfortable about the information you are reporting.
  • You may not have established a good rapport with the family before you need to raise concerns.

Raising concerns

Before you raise concerns with the family, consider the following suggestions:

  • Document any incidents of bullying.
  • Talk to your colleagues about your concerns. You need to discuss the issues with your supervisor.
  • Based on your centre’s anti-bullying policy (if you have one), determine who would be the appropriate person to talk with the family – perhaps the supervisor and yourself, or another team member.
  • Talk to the family as soon as possible. If there are two parents/guardians, try to see them together by booking a meeting time that is convenient for both of them.
  • Discuss your concerns with the family without the child being present.
  • Timing is important. Allow adequate time for the meeting and provide a location that ensures privacy.

When meeting with a family, consider the following suggestions:

  • Give the family examples of the child’s strengths and remember the importance of a positive approach when talking to a family.
  • Plan ahead and think about what you are going to say. You may even wish to write it down before meeting with the family.
  • Be prepared. Have concrete examples of your concerns and make sure that they are objective.
  • Develop an action plan with the family about what to do next. Have some ideas ready to suggest to the family about what you will do in the classroom.
  • Be prepared to consider what the family suggests, even if it is quite different from what you had in mind.
  • Reassure the family that staff members are happy to work with them to achieve the best outcome for their child.

Though breaking the news can be difficult, it is important that the issue of bullying be raised as soon as possible.

Respite Services

What is respite care?

Respite care is a family support service that provides temporary relief from the daily challenges involved in caring for a family member with an intellectual and/or physical disability.

The benefits of respite care are numerous, but not always obvious. This service allows parents and primary caregivers time for themselves and can support and strengthen their ability to take care of their child. It can provide a break in the daily routine to help parents avoid burnout, stress and fatigue.

Respite care also gives the child a change in her daily routine. It can provide the child with opportunities to build new relationships, move toward independence, participate in community activities, and make new friends.

Respite options:

Respite is provided in many ways depending on the source (agency or individual), the needs of your family and available funds. Some respite programs send a caregiver to the family’s home, while others require that the child come to a respite group home. At the same time, many parents choose to hire an individual to provide in-home respite care for their child.

Respiteservices.com coordinates a network of agencies and organizations in Ontario, providing respite services to individuals with various disabilities, and their families. A respite access facilitator is available to help families identify their needs and locate the appropriate respite options.

Respiteservices.com’s objectives and main functions are:

  • to develop and maintain a consistent process for your family to access respite care
  • to facilitate creative respite options that meet each of your child’s individual needs
  • to maximize efficient and effective use of respite resources
  • to provide ease of access of information about respite services to families and to increase their options for respite care
  • to identify gaps in service and help with community service planning

The CHAP (Community Helpers for Active Participation) Program is an integral part of Respiteservices.com and helps connect individuals with disabilities and CHAP workers. This is done through a Worker Database where the CHAP Program recruits workers interested in supporting persons with intellectual disabilities, including autism and/or a physical disability, to provide meaningful respite opportunities in the home or in the community. Families are able to access workers after joining the Family Registry.

Visit the Respiteservices.com website for more information about respite services in your community – www.respiteservices.com.

How do I pay for this service?

Parents can apply for provincial funding by completing an application for the following services:

Assistance for Children with Severe Disabilities (ACSD)

This funding provides financial assistance to parents to help with the extraordinary costs related to the child’s disability. It is a direct funding program based on the family’s total gross income. This program is for children under the age of eighteen (18) living at home with their family or caregivers. Caregivers can apply by filling out an application with or without the assistance of an agency or professional.

Special Services at Home (SSAH)

This funding is designed to assist families caring for a member who has a developmental and/or physical disability. The program focuses on providing funding to assist families to purchase supports not available elsewhere in the community. 

Families who receive funding have the option of hiring a worker who can spend time with the child at home and/or assist the child learning new skills. 

Respite Care During COVID-19

As part of the SSAH program, families may use their funding to hire family members, neighbours or friends to provide respite services. This allows families who cannot hire respite workers or have concerns about having workers in their homes, to hire trusted family or friends to provide respite.

Individuals are not eligible to be hired through SSAH funding if they are a primary caregiver or under the age of 18.

Families who receive SSAH funding can submit respite expenses for reimbursement through mail, email, fax or through MyDirectPlan.com, a free direct funding management tool.

A Parent’s Experience With Respite Care

My name is Suzanne and I have two sons with special needs. My son Mekhi was diagnosed with PDD at 3½ years old and Malin a Communication Disorder at 2.

Being a fulltime working mom is a job in itself, when you have children with special needs, it takes every ounce of energy and any spare time that you have.

During the devastating time of their diagnosis, I was dealing with communication issues, temper tantrums and self-injurious behaviours. I felt so alone and isolated in my home. My husband worked days and I worked nights. We couldn’t trust anyone with our children, because they couldn’t communicate their needs and wants.

Finally through a friend I was told about a drop-in program for children with special needs that are integrated with “normal” children.

I enrolled them Monday to Friday from 9:00 to 11:15 am. This was the best thing I could have ever done. It gave me a much needed break from my kids each day. I actually had time for me (I loved it) and when I would pick them up, I was so happy to see them. I felt so refreshed and ready to tackle anything.

The children also loved it; they got to interact with other children, do arts and crafts, sing songs and make friends.

I really recommend Respite Care; it really changed my life and gave me a better perspective on things. All parents at times need a break from their children. This is exactly what I needed. It made me be a better parent.

Reinforcement

As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional, you may ask yourself, “What motivates my child?” or “What can I do to build my child’s self-esteem and increase their independence?”

The answer is REINFORCEMENT!!!

What is Reinforcement?

  • It is a reward that occurs after a behaviour
  • It is anything that motivates or encourages your child
  • Any environmental event that maintains or strengthens an action or behaviour
  • It can include praise, special activities, music, toys and food

Why Reinforcement?

  • To teach new skills
  • To increase independence
  • To build self-esteem
  • To motivate your child that can result in quicker learning times and to reduce frustration
  • We receive reinforcement in many ways whether it is a pat on the back for doing a great job at work, or weight loss for sticking to your diet. The reinforcement we receive makes it more likely that we will repeat these behaviours in the future.

Types of Reinforcement

Find the right kind of reinforcement by observing your child to see what types of things she likes best. Use those favourite things to reinforce learning!

Social Praise or Attention

  • Often describes the most natural type of reinforcement.
  • Examples: smiles, hugs, kisses, tickling, high fives, and cheering, verbal praise
  • Verbal Praise should always describe the behaviour
    • Ex: “Great job cleaning up the toys Jack!” instead of “ Great job Jack!”
    • Verbal praise is easy to deliver and available and should always be paired with other reinforcement.
    • Some respond to verbal praise and others need more obvious reinforcement to stay motivated.

Tangible Items

  • Tangible reinforcement includes favourite: toys, blankets, trading cards, sensory items and may include food
  • These can be very powerful reinforcers for children, especially when they are not readily available during other parts of the child’s day.REMEMBER: when an item is always available, the child may become bored easily!
  • The child should only receive the item on conditions where your child attempts or follows through on their task.
  • The limit on using this type of reinforcement is that it can be costly to consistently be searching for items and toys that the child finds rewarding.
    • Therefore using dollar store items are handy and inexpensive.

Favourite Activities

  • If your child has favourite activities, consider using these as reinforcements for appropriate behaviours or when a specific task is completed.
    • Examples: Going to the park, watching a video, bouncing on a therapy ball etc.
    • These are fun for both the parents and the child and promote social interaction.
    • Works well with children who are able to wait before getting their reward.

Food Reinforcements

  • Using food reinforcement may work well for children who are not yet responding to verbal praise and are not yet motivated by items or activities.
  • Consider the foods your child prefers. Do they prefer sweet snacks or salty foods? OR do their preferences have to do with textures?
  • Before using food reinforcers, take into consideration the nutritional value of the food.
  • It is important to move towards more natural reinforcement when it is possible. This is because it is not common that we get a goldfish cracker for being well behaved.

Token Economy System

  • When a token is provided after a desired behaviour
  • Once the child has collected a predetermined number of tokens, he can trade them in for an item or activity that he desires.
  • Money is a classic example of a token economy. It can be used to buy reinforcements such as food, housing and entertainment.
  • For example: If you have a child who loves to ride the subway, then the child could earn quarters as his token and then the reward would be him being able to ride the subway when he gets enough money to pay for a ride.
  • This type of reinforcement works best for children who are able to wait for their reinforcement and who have any understand the concept of working towards their reinforcement.
  • Every type of reinforcement should be paired with social praise (i.e., eye contact, hugs, high fives etc).

What motivates your child?

  • Observe what types of toys/activities your child is most interested in.
    • Run and climb or quiet play?
    • Sweet snacks or salty foods?
  • Provide choices where possible to determine your child’s favourites.
  • Once you determine your child’s favourite reinforcers, you are ready to begin using them to teach new skills or to increase desired behaviours.

How do I Reinforce?

  • When first introducing a new or difficult task, it is important to provide reinforcement for any degree of completion. This will help your child to keep trying and to understand what is required to get his reinforcement.
    • Example: If your child has trouble sitting at the table for mealtime.
      • Initially your child may require reinforcement for coming and sitting down even if they need assistance from an adult to do so.
      • Reinforcement for coming over to the table may include a desired activity or a piece of a desired snack paired with a lot of verbal praise.
      • While remaining at the table, the child should be reinforced from time to time for appropriate behaviours even if assistance is required.
  • Set the child up for success!
    • Example: using the same example from above, a child may initially have 1 minute at the table and gradually the expectation would raise and the time at the table would increase.
  • Always tell your child what they have done well
  • Always use social reinforcement even if you are using tangible reinforcement as well

Fading

  • Gradually fade the use of reinforcers from each step to task completion. This is so that the child does not associate the reward as part of the task itself. Then the child will expect the reinforcement every time that task is completed.
    • After a skill has been learned there should be a natural expectation that your child follow through without needing to be reinforces every time the skill is completed.
    • Both the number of times that you reinforce your child and the form of reinforcement you use should be faded.
    • Eventually the food items you use should be exchanged with more social rewards.
  • The extent of verbal praise and attention should decrease.
  • Eventually, the only reinforcement your child should receive is the occasional pat on the back or toned don verbal praise.
  • Caution should be used when fading as if the reinforcement is taken away too soon the desired behaviour may stop completely. If this occurs, increase the amount and/or frequency given to reestablish behaviour and once this is accomplished you can again try to fade.

Negative effects of Reinforcing

  • It is important that just as reinforcement works for behaving appropriately, it also reinforces negative behaviour.
    • Example: If your child is screaming for a chocolate bar in the grocery store, and then you reinforce him by buying it for him, you have then reinforced his inappropriate behaviour. The behaviour then happens again. The best thing to do is to ignore the undesired behaviour and once he learns his behaviour will not get him what he wants, the undesired behaviour will stop.

Reinforcement is a powerful tool to help children learn new skills, to increase motivation and boost self-esteem. Remember to celebrate each small success!

Preparing Children for Transitions

For many children, routines are important because they provide reassurance and a sense of security. For children experiencing change, challenging situations or unpredictability in their lives, it is helpful to have a stable routine. Preparing children for transitions and having consistent routines will help them understand expectations and cope with change. Children experience daily transitions which usually involve routines such as sleep and mealtimes or change in environment/location such as indoor to outdoor.

Children may have difficulty making transitions for many reasons. Here are some examples:

  • Unexpected change. It is raining, therefore Carly cannot visit the playground as planned.
  • Current activity is enjoyable. Mila loves playing on the computer. She does not want to stop to eat.
  • Next activity is unenjoyable. Gareth does not like bedtime, so he resists getting ready for bed.
  • Next activity is enjoyable. Carmina is excited to go to the park. She leaves the table before lunch is finished.

Strategies to help with transitions

  1. Provide reminders that the transition is coming

Telling your child that a transition is coming will help them to get ready. For example, when you would like your child to get ready for lunch you can say, “It’s almost time for lunch”. You can make this concrete by setting a timer or counting down from ten after you give the warning. When the buzzer goes off, or you reach zero, begin the transition. When first introducing this strategy, you may have to help your child follow through, or guide them to the next activity or task.

  1. Offer Fidget Toys

If your child is finished with an activity but needs to wait for another one to begin, providing them with a fidget toy (e.g., a sensory toy such as a squishy ball) can help keep them busy. Depending on the situation, you may need to make sure that the fidget toy does not make noise and that your child is able to keep it in their hands or pocket.

  1. Offer Transition Objects

Use an object to signal that a new activity is about to begin. For example, if your child is playing and it is almost time for bath, you can prepare them by giving them a bath toy. Allow them to play for a few minutes and then encourage him to bring the toy with him to the bathroom.

  1. Sing a Song or Play Music

Songs are a fun and engaging way to signal that the current activity is about to end and a new one will begin. Songs help your child learn routines and improve language and memory skills. You can use the same tune and change the words for different activities. This will make it easier for your child to remember the song and join in.  Song lyrics developed for transitions and routines can also include the steps of the transition or routine to support the child’s success.

  1. Change the Lighting

When it is time to stop playing and get ready for the next activity, you can dim the lights to get your child’s attention. The change in lighting will help shift their attention from the activity they are engaged in. Once you have their attention, offer your warning that the beginning of the transition will be happening (e.g., dim lights, child looks your way, say “In five minutes we are going to tidy for lunch”).

  1. Provide a Visual Schedule

Regular use of objects, photos, or pictures will show your child the order of activities that are planned. This process can help children anticipate and understand what is going to happen and when. Create your own visual schedules using visuals such as photographs or pictures from magazines. When you first start using a visual schedule, include two or three transitions. Gradually add more pictures, up to a maximum of six or seven in one schedule.

  1. Visual Countdown
Visual Count Down

This strategy is helpful if you want your child to focus on one activity until it is time for the next. It can show them that time is passing and reward them for remaining focused. Every few minutes you can remove a panel. When the rocket appears, it is time to “blast off” to the next activity.

Make your own visual countdown by taking a large piece of cardboard and writing the numbers one to three on it. Instead of a rocket ship, you can draw, or glue a picture of your child’s favourite cartoon character. Cover each number and the rocket ship/cartoon character with a coloured piece of paper. Attach the pieces to the cardboard with tape or Velcro.

Remember

Preparing for transitions helps your child understand changes to routines and provides them with some predictability of what activity is coming next. All children are unique and have different ways of learning.

Careful planning and collaboration can help with the routine between the home and program. Be consistent so that your child knows what to expect. Try to keep to the routine as much as possible and remember to praise your child for their efforts.

References:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2019). Building Structure.  Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/parents/essentials/structure/building.html.

Markham, L. (2020). Why Kids Need Routines.  Retrieved from https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/structure-routines.

Petit Early Learning Journey. (2017). 10 Reasons a Daily Routine is Important for Your Child (and How to Set One).  Retrieved from https://www.petitjourney.com.au/10-reasons-a-daily-routine-is-important-for-your-child-and-how-to-set-one/.

Raising Children. (2017). Family Routines:  How and Why They Work.  Retrieved from https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/family-life/routines-rituals-relationships/family-routines#routines-the-basics-nav-title.

Personal Space

Photo of child and teacher exploring personal space

Personal space is all about how close you can come to people in different situations without making them feel uncomfortable. The rule about personal space can be very difficult for some children to understand as it is a rule that is unwritten and unspoken.

There are different rules for different situations, like keeping a certain distance away from others when standing in line, or knowing that you can be closer to some people than to others.

Many children learn about the rules of personal space without actually being taught. However, for some children, the rule about personal space is unclear. These children might be accused of crowding others because they stand or sit too close. On the other hand, some children might want more personal space than we typically expect and get upset when they feel that others are invading their space.

Helping your Child Respect Others’ Personal Space

As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional, you can help your child learn about personal space using the following ideas.

  1. Talk about it

    Start by talking to your child about the specific skill. Ask him questions like:

    “How close to other people should you stand or sit? Show me.”

    “How does it feel when someone stands too close to you?”

    “Are there times when it is OK to stand very close to other people?”

  2. Teach

    Teach your child a rule that will help him understand and use the skill. A Social Script can be helpful at this stage. It is a way of teaching children how to behave in specific social situations. It might include suggestions of specific things your child can say or do in response to the social situation.

    Note: Depending on your child’s skill level, you can write a Social Script using words only, or you can add pictures or photographs to help describe each step.

    Here is an example of a Social Script written to help a child learn how to “respect other people’s personal space”:

    When I am talking to someone, I should not be in their personal space.

    I should stay one arm’s length from people when I am taking to them.

    I should keep my hands to myself when I am talking to them.

    Sometimes it is OK to be closer than one arm’s length to a person. These times are when it is crowded or when the other person is a close friend or family member.

    Review and practice the script at least once a day with your child, especially when you first introduce it. As your child begins to understand and use the new skill, you can practice the script less often and refer back to it to remind him what to do in specific situations. It is not a good idea to try using the Social Script while the situation is happening. Instead, review it at the beginning of the day and then, when the situation actually occurs, you can remind your child of the strategies he has learned.

  3. Role play

    Role-playing consists of acting out various social interactions that children would typically encounter. Puppets or other toys can also be used as “actors” in the role-play. Role playing teaches children the actual words they can say and the things they can do in specific situations. It also gives children an opportunity to practice these new skills with their peers.

    In the beginning, you should play all the ‘parts’ to show your child what he can do or say in certain situations. You can keep him interested by using characters from his favourite television shows. Be sure to speak in an animated voice and use words that your child can understand. Try to act out situations with both positive and negative responses, as this will help your child understand that other children are not always willing to share or play with him. Here are some ideas on using role-playing to teach children listening skills.

    • Model the skill – Two or more adults model a situation in which one asks the other to join him/her in play. The specific phrases and behaviours that your child needs to learn are modeled.
    • Select role players – At first, it is best to have older children or ones who are more experienced at the skill do the role-play and have your child watch and comment. If possible, give all interested children a turn to do the role-play. It is especially important that your child who is learning the skill has a turn to be part of the role-play.
    • Children do the role-play – A small group does the role-play and the other children watch and comment. After seeing a few examples, your child can be part of the role-play, he should play many different parts in the role-play.
    • Provide feedback – Everyone can give feedback to the role-players. Remember, you are modeling how to give positive feedback. Give specific, positive feedback to all children involved in the role-play. For example, “I liked how Joshua asked Amelie if he could use some of her crayons.”

  4. Reinforce

    Tell your child that you will be watching for this skill for a week. Reinforce your child when you see him respecting other people’s personal space and remember to label the behaviour that you want to see.

    “That’s great, Mohammed! You are standing one arm’s length from Sandra.”

  5. Review

    Talk about the skill for a few minutes each day so that it is fresh in your child’s mind. This also helps him understand the importance of social skills. You can also point out how other people maintain personal space when you and your child are in different environments (e.g., in line at the grocery store, at the doctor’s office, at school).

    When children are taught the unwritten rules about personal space, they will become more aware of how their behaviour (such as crowding or touching) affects others. When you clearly teach them how to respect other people’s personal space, you create a more pleasant environment where everyone can work, play, and learn comfortably. Here are some tips to help you be most successful:

    BE PATIENT – Some children might need more reminders, more support, and more time to learn and use the skill.

    BE CONSISTENT – Make sure that you and any other adults in your child’s life have the same expectations of the child.

    BE POSITIVE – Remember to look for your child using the skill and reinforce him as much as possible.

People Games

Photo of child playing with parent

People games are games requiring a partner. Modify the play environment so that your child will need you in order to enjoy the experience. The main goal is to encourage communication. Your child will learn things such as: paying attention, starting or ending a game and taking a turn. Just like with people toys, these games are very structured and predictable. Words and actions are repeated many times, making it easy for your child to take a turn in the play.

Remember to make your play time R.O.C.K. by:

  1. Repeating what you say and do.
  2. Offering Opportunities for your child to take his turn.
  3. Cueing your child to take his turn.
  4. And finally Keeping it fun

The specifics of how you provide opportunities to take a turn and what you can expect from your child will depend on your child’s stage of communication. If your child usually plays on his own, you will want to entice him to play and enjoy being with you. If he is just starting to ask to enter play, then the goal is to get more practice at this and to extend the game a little longer. Later, you can provide opportunities to “use his words” and to take more elaborate turns in the conversation. The trick is to take it one step at a time, give lots of practice and most of all to have fun.

The following are just a few ideas of people games you can play with your child. Once you get the hang of them, you’ll be able to create your own. Don’t forget to add music and singing to your games.

Jumping and Up and Down Games

There are lots of different versions of this game. Jumping on the spot involves taking your child’s hands or lifting under the arms and counting “1… 2…3…go” (or blast off ). On “go”, lift your child into the air and bring him down again.

If your child is small, you can vary this game by tossing him in the air or spinning him. You can also try letting him hold your hands and climb up your legs to flip over.

Horsey Rides

Get down on your hands and knees. Let your child climb onto your back for a ride. For extra fun, you can neigh and sway side to side. When you stop, he must ask you to re-start the game. He can do this through body gestures, sounds and words, depending on his language level.

Swinging Games

Swinging games tend to be quite hard on your back so be careful. If there are 2 people, you can each grab a hand and lift him into the air as you say “1…2…3… swing.”

An alternative is to have one person hold his hands and the other hold his feet while singing “Swinging. Swinging. (moving side to side) Now we go up (swing him up quickly). Now we go down (bump his bottom gently on the ground).”

Race Car

Lie on your back with your knees up. Then your child can sit down with his back against your knees. Your hands become the steering wheel. Then take off! You bump and rock your torso over the road, lean right and left for racing around curves. Don’t forget to make the sound effects! You both crash at the end of the race.

Bouncing

An oversized, exercise ball can be lots of fun for you and your child. Your child can sit on the ball or lie on it with your support. Bounce him up and down while saying “bounce” or “up and down”. Start off with a slow and steady pace, pause, then quicken the pace. As a variation, try rocking back and forth or side to side. Make up your own song to accompany this.

The Sandwich Game

Try squeezing games such as making a “sandwich” by placing your child between pillows, or making a “hot dog” by rolling the child in a blanket. A more elaborate version of this is to let your child build a sandwich out of you. First lay down a pillow; that is the bread. Then you lie on top of it to become the meat. Then let your toddler pile up pillows, blankets and toys on top of you for the pickles, lettuce, tomato, cheese, etc., and lastly a pillow matching the bottom one for the other slice of bread. Now it’s lunch time!!! Don’t forget to cry out “No, no, don’t eat me”. He’ll want a turn being the sandwich next, and be sure to add some tickles.

Peek-a-boo or Hiding Games

Put a blanket or cloth over your child’s face. Say “Where’s ____(name)?”, then pull the cloth away and find him. If your child likes tickles or kisses, give him a quick one when you find him and say “There’s ____ (name).” You can take turns hiding as well. Other variations are hiding behind hands, pillows etc.

Chasing Games

Running and chasing games are favourites with most children. Start by running after your child. Saying “I’m going to get you.” When you catch him give him a big tickle, hug, or a kiss and say “Got you”. After he understands the games, encourage him to take a turn chasing you. Start by taking a few steps away and then looking back at him. Laugh and wait for him to catch you. Then give him another turn being chased.

Making a Choice

photo of child making a choice using a choice board

Deciding where to play or what activity to choose can be a difficult task for some children. Sometimes there are just too many activities to choose from and it can be overwhelming for a child. As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional, your job is to teach new skills that will help your child build independence and move forward in their development. You also teach new skills to reduce frustration, promote self-esteem, and to replace behaviour that may not be the most acceptable.

For example, Hamzah has difficulty making choices. After snack time, when asked to choose an activity for play time, Hamzah does not respond and remains seated. Hamzah is using problem behaviour to tell us, “I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do, so I’m not going to do anything”. If you have a child like Hamzah, you too can teach him to make choices and expand his plays skills.

Breaking Down the Task

Though some children quickly learn skills through observing and imitating others, many children need the new skill to be broken down into smaller steps and to be allowed time to master each step in the sequence. The breaking down of complex skills into smaller parts is called task analysis. Anything we do can be broken down into smaller steps.

In our example, we want Hamzah to make a choice between two activities. We can do this by using concrete objects and eventually picture symbols. Let’s begin by breaking down the steps:

When presented with two objects (representing activities found around the room), Hamzah will:

  1. Look at both objects.
  2. Reach out and touch one.
  3. Go to the place where the activity can be found.
  4. Play with chosen activity.

Teaching the New Skill

Teaching a new skill involves preparation. Start by collecting a few materials including small objects that represent various activities that may be found around around the room. (eg. Small book, wooden block, Lego, toy care, CD, doll, sand shovel, crayon, play dough container, puzzle piece).

You can also pair a picture symbol with a real object by simply sticking it directly onto the object. This will help your child understand that the picture and object mean the same thing and eventually be able to make a choice using picture symbols only. When making visual supports remember that you can use photographs, line drawings, magazine cut-outs, or picture symbols.

In order for your child to learn the steps to a new skill, you will have to provide assistance or “prompt” along the way. A prompt is a cue or hint meant to help your child to perform a desired behaviour, skill, or part of a skill.

Start by offering a choice between two activities. When offering the choices you can say, “Want puzzle or CD?” Remember to go down to your child’s level and keep the language simple so he can understand what you are saying. Hold the object representing his favourite activity much closer to him to provide a positional prompt allowing him to look at the object, reach for it, and make a choice more easily. At first you may need to prompt him to reach out and select the object using hand-over-hand assistance. This will help your child to get familiar with this new routine and understand what is expected of him.

Gradually you’ll provide less assistance as he learns each step. The favourite object will move further away and hand-over-hand assistance to reach for the object will gradually become a tap on the elbow or shoulder, until he can do it independently without any physical support. This process is called fading – it involves gradually reducing the need, strength or level of the prompt.

It is important to follow through with every step of the sequence.

In our example, once Hamzah selects an object we will lead him directly to the activity – making sure that he follows through with the choice and has an opportunity to play. Eventually, we can fade out this support as well by just walking Hamzah to the edge of area where the activity is and letting him find the activity on his own.

Gradually you will move from choice making with real objects and to using picture symbols only. The picture symbols can be posted on a board where your child will be able to choose an activity. Picture symbols and other visual supports are great tools for expanding your child’s communication skills.

Giving Reinforcement

Reinforcement is anything that motivates or encourages a child. It is any environmental event that maintains or strengthens an action or behaviour. Praise, a special activity, music, toys and food can be used as reinforcers. Reinforcement is a reward that occurs or is given after a behaviour. It is important to motivate and reward a child who is learning a new skill. It helps the child to stay on track and understand what is required or expected.

In our example, we can reinforce Hamzah for following each step by giving him verbal praise like “Good choosing! You want _____”. Another way to motivate Hamzah to make a choice is to offer a non-preferred activity and a favourite activity. For example, we know that Hamzah does not like to play with puzzles but really enjoys the radio in the dramatic centre. By offering these two choices, Hamzah is more likely to follow through with the task because the radio/dramatic centre option is highly reinforcing. If he chooses the non-preferred activity, we will still follow through with the rest of the steps.

As Hamzah gets more comfortable performing each step, we can gradually reduce or fade the amount of reinforcement. We don’t want the reinforcement to become part of the task.

Generalizing the New Skill

You will want your child to know that this new skill can be applied in many places, with many people, and under many conditions. For some children, independently making choices at the child care centre or the home does not necessarily mean that they are going to demonstrate this skill elsewhere, or with anyone other than the care provider who taught them.

To help your child generalize this skill you can:

  • Have everyone teach the same skills in the same way.
  • Take advantage of other choice making opportunities throughout the day such as lunch time where you can offer choices between two food items.

Listening to Others

photo of children listeing to teacher

Have you ever noticed how some young children just do not seem to know how to listen to others?

When someone is talking to them, a child may not stop playing in order to look up and acknowledge the other person. He might start listening, but soon get bored and change the subject or simply turn away.

Like other social skills, the skill of “active listening” is one that some children have to be taught – step by step.

Helping your Child Become a Good Listener

As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional, you care teach your child to be a good listener using these ideas.

  1. Talk about it
    Start by talking to your child about this specific skill. Ask him questions like:

    • “How can you be a good listener?”
    • “What does a good/not a good listener do?”
    • “How does it feel when you are talking to someone, and they are/aren’t listening to you?”
  2. Teach
    Teach your child a rule that will help him understand and use the skill. A Social Script can be helpful at this stage. It is a way of teaching children how to behave in specific social situations. It might include suggestions of specific things your child can say or do in response to the social situation.

    Note: Depending on your child’s skill level, you can write a Social Script using words only, or you can add pictures or photographs to help describe each step.

    Here is an example of a Social Script written to help a child learn how to “listen to others”.

    Stop Look Listen

    Review and practice the script at least once a day with your child, especially when you first introduce it. As your child begins to understand and use the new skill, you can practice the script less often and refer back to it to remind him what to do in specific situations. It is not a good idea to try using the Social Script while the situation is happening. Instead, review it at the beginning of the day and then, when the situation actually occurs, you can remind your child of what he has learned.

  3. Role play
    Role-playing consists of acting out various social interactions that children would typically encounter. Puppets or other toys can also be used as “actors” in the role-play. Role playing teaches children the actual words they can say and the things they can do in specific situations. It also gives children an opportunity to practice these new skills with their peers.

    In the beginning, you should play all the ‘parts’ to show your child what he can do or say in certain situations. You can keep him interested by using characters from his favourite television shows. Be sure to speak in an animated voice and use words that your child can understand. Try to act out situations with both positive and negative responses, as this will help your child understand that other children are not always willing to share or play with him. Here are some ideas on using role-playing to teach children listening skills.

    • Model the skill
      Two or more adults model a situation in which one asks the other to join him/her in play. The specific phrases and behaviours that your child needs to learn are modeled.
    • Select role players
      At first, it is best to have older children or ones who are more experienced at the skill do the role-play and have your child watch and comment. If possible, give all interested children a turn to do the role-play. It is especially important that your child who is learning the skill has a turn to be part of the role-play.
    • Children do the role-play
      A small group does the role-play and the other children watch and comment. After seeing a few examples, your child can be part of the role-play, he should play many different parts in the role-play.
    • Provide feedback
      Everyone can give feedback to the role-players. Remember, you are modeling how to give positive feedback. Give specific, positive feedback to all children involved in the role-play. For example, “I liked how Joshua asked Amelie if he could use some of her crayons.”
  4. Reinforce

    Tell your child that you will be watching for this skill for a week. Reinforce your child when you see him being a good listener and remember to label the behaviour that you want to see.

    “Ahmed, look at how well you are listening to Tamara”. You stopped playing and looked at Tamara!”

  5. Review

    Talk about the skill for a few minutes each day so that it is fresh in your child’s mind. This also helps him understand the importance of this social skill.

    Teaching your child how to be a good, active listener can be challenging and takes time. You will be most successful when you are:

    PATIENT – Some children might need more reminders, more support, and more time to learn and use the skill.

    CONSISTENT – Make sure that you and any other adults in your child’s life have the same expectations of the child.

    POSITIVE – Remember to look for your child using the skill and reinforce him as much as possible.

Identify Skills to Teach

photo of daycare teachers showing a child a visual sequence

Setting the stage for learning and teaching new skills to help children reach a goal or be more independent in a task may seem challenging, however thinking in small steps and short-term can help.

Let’s take a look at how you can identify skills to teach.

1. Work from where you are, not from where you want to be

It is important to set a goal, or teach a skill that is within your child’s ability. Begin by looking at the child’s existing skills and abilities, or the things that they can already do. This will give you a clearer picture of your child’s strengths, interests and what they can learn next. Remember to look at skills in each of the six developmental areas:

  • Cognitive skills focus on thinking, problem-solving, and general knowledge (e.g., naming colours and shapes, completing puzzles).
  • Social and emotional skills focus on relating to other people and expressing feelings appropriately (e.g., greeting others, taking turns during play, identifying emotions, such as “happy”, “sad” or “angry”).
  • Gross motor skills focus on controlling the body’s larger movements (e.g., sitting, walking, rolling, throwing a ball).
  • Fine motor skills focus on hand-eye coordination and controlling movements of the fingers (e.g., stacking blocks, holding a crayon).
  • Language and communication skills focus on using spoken language (words or sounds), written, or visual language (e.g., picture symbols) to understand and to be understood by others (e.g., asking for objects, repeating words and rhymes).
  • Self-help skills focus on taking care of personal hygiene needs (e.g., washing hands, putting on clothing, eating with a spoon).

2. Consider how culture and identity support learning

Your child’s experiences influence and shape their development. Culturally responsive experiences help to build your child’s confidence in their own identity and help develop a sense of belonging for your child within their community.

3. Choose a single area to focus on

It is important to focus on one skill at a time and keep it simple. Teaching your child several skills at once may be overwhelming. The goal you set should be one that you your child will have the most chance of accomplishing.

4. Break the skill into smaller steps

Every skill or task can be broken down into smaller steps. This process is called Task Analysis. For example, teaching a child to “wash your hands” actually involves a number of steps including turning on the tap, getting soap, scrubbing hands, rinsing hands, and then turning off the tap. Focus on completing one step at a time until they have acquired the skill. 

5. Decide how to teach

Consider how often you need to work on this skill, who will be involved, and be sure that everyone is following the same strategies.

We all learn in different ways. Children tend to use their senses (smell, taste, touch, hearing and vision) to explore and learn about their world. Think of ways to teach your child each step. You may need to use real objects, or visuals to help them understand what is expected.

Let’s take the example of teaching a child the letters of the alphabet to see how the different senses can be used.

Vision

  • Looking at alphabet posters
  • Looking at alphabet books
  • Looking for letters in the newspaper or magazines

Hearing

  • Listening to the ABC song
  • Singing the ABC song
  • Listening to and repeating nursery rhymes that mention certain letters

Touch and Movement

  • Touching plastic alphabet shapes
  • Tracing letters cut from sandpaper with fingers
  • Making letters out of clay

Most children will benefit from information that is presented to them in a variety of ways. For example, you may point to the letters while singing the ABC song. This teaches a child what the letters look like and how they sound.

6. Build your child’s confidence

Make sure your child has success with some part of the activity. For example, if your child has difficulty joining in play with other children, model and encourage them to play with one other child first. 

7. Motivate and reinforce

Success deserves recognition! Consider your child’s interests when deciding what to use as a reward, or how to give reinforcement. Some children will respond to getting a sticker, high five, or verbal praise.

8. Set short deadlines

Set a time frame for your child to achieve this new skill. Consider how long or how much effort will be required of you and other caregivers to support learning.

9. Keep track

Once you have a plan in place, write it down and keep track of your child’s progress. You will want to see if your child is learning each step or experiencing setbacks. If there are challenges, take a look at the goal to make sure it is realistic. Consider how your child is being supported through the process. Are you allowing extra time to practice the skill? Are the adults consistent with their approach? Perhaps it is too difficult for your child to learn at this time, or they may need to learn other earlier skills to support that goal.  

10. Generalize the skill

If possible, try to provide teachable moments in multiple environments with a variety of people. This will provide your child with the understanding that their skills are transferable to other situations. For example, if your child learns to wash their hands at home and can also do this at child care, this is considered a generalization of that skill. To generalize a skill:

  • Use similar but different items to teach the same skill (e.g., if you are teaching your child to eat with a spoon, use several different types of spoons and bowls).
  • Practice the skill in several different locations (e.g., at home, school, early learning and care program, a friend’s house).
  • Practice the skill during different times of the day, if possible.

Remember

Including others in teaching a new skill will help increase the benefit and potential for success if everyone is working towards the same goal. Be sure everyone knows what steps are being taught and how to teach them.

Children’s skills change over time. Progress can be impacted by experiences and changes in a child’s life. Remember to check in on the progress of the goal regularly and see where you are at and see if your child is ready for the next step.  All children have their own way of learning. Their learning can best be nurtured when we take time, provide support and engage in thoughtful planning.

References and Web Resources

Ages and Stages. (2018). Developmental Screening Toolkit – Tips & Tools for Early Childhood Programs.  Retrieved from https://agesandstages.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Dev-Screening-Toolkit-2018.pdf

Looksee Checklist, ndds., (2018). Looksee Checklist, Retrieved July 17, 2020 from https://lookseechecklist.com/en/

Developing Attention Span

Photo of child reading

Most young children have a tough time sitting still for very long periods of time. Young minds and bodies need to be kept active. However, some children are easily distracted may have a hard time focusing on one topic or activity. They may be busy watching what others are doing, distracted by their surrounding, or interested in other play materials. Children who are bored or restless sometimes do things to entertain or stimulate themselves. They may hum, play with their clothing, touch, or talk to other people around them. A child who is sensitive to sights, sounds, smells, or textures this can also lead to restlessness, or an increased need to self-stimulate.

For example, Franco needs extra visual stimulation so he twirls a piece of string in front of his eyes. When Franco is focused on watching the string, he does not pay attention to looking at the book.

Keep in mind that some children with these sensitivities may need extra support and understanding to focus and participate in activities for longer periods of time.

As a parent, teacher or early childhood professional you can answer the following questions to help you decide whether your child needs more support to participate successfully in activities. Remember that the amount of time a young child focuses on a favourite activity can vary depending on their age and developmental level.

  • Does he watch a favourite television show or short video from start to finish?
  • Does he sit and listen quietly to a short story read out loud?
  • Does he sit and listen to music?
  • Does he answer when someone calls his name?
  • How long can he play with a toy he enjoys?
  • How long does he stay in the room when favourite friends or family members are visiting?
  • Does he stay at the table for the entire meal?

The environment can also affect concentration and focus. Here are some suggestions on setting up the environment to help your child focus better:

  • Choose a quite area.
  • Reduce background noises by shutting the door, turning off the TV, or music.
  • Set up a work area with a child-size chair and small table. Parents could also use a coffee table.
  • Make sure your child is comfortable when sitting at the table. Support his feet if they are not touching the floor by using a stool, bench, or telephone book.
  • Have your child sit on the floor to do the activity if he is uncomfortable at the table. You can give them a special pillow, mat, or rug to sit on.
  • Use a tray or placemat to define his work space.
  • Make sure you have all the materials you will need so that you do not have to go searching for them once you start.
  • Make sure there is enough light for them to see, but not too much to be distracting.
  • Have them dressed in comfortable clothing – ensure they are not too cold or too warm.

Now that we have looked at some environmental factors, here is a list of “child factors” that can affect your child’s ability to focus during activities:

  • Feeling hungry, tired, or sick.
  • Not interested in the activity.
  • Easily distracted by something else in the room.
  • Needs to use the washroom.
  • Has physical energy he needs to ‘burn off’.
  • Energy level seems too low.

If you think that they are more alert and ready to learn in the morning, or perhaps after having a nap, you may want to introduce a new activity during that time period.

Encouraging Participation in Activities:

  • Provide your child with a signal that playtime at the table will begin. You can do this by giving him a verbal warning “Playtime”, by using a physical gesture, or by using a visual cue such as a playtime picture.
  • Help your child make the transition to the table by allowing him to carry a piece of the activity (e.g., a piece of the puzzle or rolling pin for the playdoh) or the picture of that activity.
  • Singing a transition song while physically guiding your child to the table (e.g., “Time to sit at the table” to the tune of “The Farmer in the Dell”).

Encouraging Focus During Activities:

  • Show your child what to do or model how to complete the activity. For example, putting in the first piece of the puzzle
  • Provide your child with assistance, when needed, to complete the activity. This can be a gentle hand over hand assistance or offering verbal directions.
  • Gradually increasing the amount of time your child is expected to sit at the table. To promote success, start with short periods of time. You can use a timer to show them how long they need to stay at the activity. Use a timer to help them understand how long the activity will be.
  • Help your child to finish the activity if they lose interest, or before the expected time has passed. Have him complete one more piece of the activity to finish. This keeps the activity positive for your child and teaches him that they need to follow through with the expectation.
  • Use toys that have a clear beginning and end, such as an insert puzzle, stacking ring or cup, shape sorter, beading, pegboards or “Mr. Potato Head”. This way your child will get quick, positive feedback for “completing” the activity. “Wow, puzzle finished”!

Here are a few more ideas you can try to help your child focus during activities:

  • Provide your child with a balance of active and seated activities throughout the day.
  • Give your child a small toy to hold if they become restless to help him remain at the activity. These are also known as “fidget toys”.
  • Have visuals of the rules/expectations for your child to let him know what is expected during this time (e.g., stay at the table, listen, finish puzzle).

    • First/then board

  • You may also choose to use a “First” – “Then” approach. For example tell your child (and show him by using pictures) “First puzzle” (the activity you want him to do), “Then Computer” (an activity he enjoys). This will help your child expand the length of time he spends focusing on an activity.
  • Reward your child for focusing on activities by offering him stickers (or something he really likes), hugs and verbal praise.

Remember that the length of time your child takes to develop the ability to focus during activities will vary. It is important to practise often, but most importantly, remember to have fun!

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